My Untold Story

"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 

For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present 

nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, 

will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:37-39

April 1, 2018

Saved from Myself
Oh the work that was accomplished on this weekend so many years ago! This weekend my soul rejoices because I have seen personally how Jesus' death, burial and triumph over the grave can change your life. This weekend, I remember how Jesus' sacrifice, love and forgiveness saved me from myself.

I feel compelled to share this piece of my story but at the same time, I am extremely nervous. This particular time in my life that I want to share was definitely the darkest, lowest, ugliest time I can recall and the thought of exposing it to whomever chooses to read this is a bit daunting. Despite the fact that this was something I struggled with for nearly two years, only a select few even know it existed. Shame, fear, sadness and reproach still cloud my thoughts when I think back to this particular time. Yet I know that God has redeemed this part of my story as well and I trust He will continue as He has done all along. So here goes.........

Back when I was in high school, I went through a time of great self-reproach and disgust. For those on the outside looking in, there would have been nothing to hint that this was going on. I appeared to have things well in hand. I was doing well in school, had several good friends, was involved in numerous extra curricular clubs and activities, and generally excelled at whatever I put my mind to do. However I had been fed a load of lies- a running monologue of all the ways what I was doing wasn't enough and would never be. No person spoke these things to me so I can only assume it was the work of the devil, eager to destroy me with these lies..... and you know what, they nearly did.

I looked at myself and saw nothing but disappointment and failure. Nothing I did was good enough. I lacked self-control and was too selfish, prideful and judgmental. I couldn't see anything of value in myself and did not see any reason people should love or care for me. I had nothing to offer. These things may not seem that terrible to some, but the thoughts were so pervasive and constant I couldn't see a way out and I honestly struggled with the question of whether it wouldn't be better if I just ended things. For nearly two years, I struggled with thoughts of suicide. I made a plan, had access to every thing I needed, and even decided on the best time to act to ensure effectiveness. I remember laying in my bed debating the idea time and again. Do I? Could I? Why shouldn't I?

All that stayed my hand was the love of my Savior. Whenever I seemed to come close to acting on these thoughts, He was there reminding me that He loved me- even at my ugliest. He showed me that I was worth fighting for- even when I couldn't see anything worth saving. From one time to the next, the method He used changed- a friend, a Bible verse, a song- but each time He was there reminding me that I was His precious child, worth everything to Him- even the sacrifice of His own son.

I cannot tell you when things changed because it's too hard to pinpoint one event or moment. It just didn't happen like that, but the more I listened to what God was telling me, the less I heard the lies. And the less I heard the lies, the more I understood the beauty of the cross and the grace and love that are found there. I am here today because God loved me too much to leave me how and where I was. Thank you Lord for your amazing love and grace!

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20

This is my story.

This is my song.

I'll praise my Savior all day, every day, long!

With Gratitude

"God will make a way where there seems to be no way. 

He works in ways we cannot see. 

He will make a way for me. 

He will be my guide, hold me closely to his side. 

With love and strength for each new day, 

He will make a way. He will make a way."

If there is one thing I have learned over the last 10 months it is that God will make a way where there seems to be no way. You see some things remained the same between our last deployment and the latest, but as often happens in life, other things had changed. And what had changed was not little. During our first deployment, we became very close with a couple from our church, and they became my go-to whenever I needed help- whether with child care or car troubles, lawn issues or loneliness. But in the 20 months between the 2014 deployment and the 2016 leave date, life had happened and this dear couple's circumstances and schedule had changed in such a way that I knew things couldn't work as they had before. How would I manage? The hole left was no small hole, and we fully expected Drew's absence would be even longer this time. But in what should have been a void, God stepped in and provided in absolutely incredible ways!

In those early weeks of the deployment, I had numerous appointments I had to keep where I could not have the girls with me. I counted and in less than 4 weeks, 10 different ladies offered to watch one or both of the girls free of charge. A couple even changed their schedules to work around my appointments and one, when I had to change an appointment when one of the girls took ill, asked me immediately when my rescheduled time was so she could be free to help.

Then in the month of January, we had a couple of incidences where I thought I might need to take one of the girls to a late night walk-in clinic or ER right at bedtime. Noelle cut her thumb on a large piece of glass just before bed and another time I watched as a fever, with medicine, continued to climb all day to 104 degrees Fahrenheit and began making plans should the temperature go up even higher. The problem was I had no plan as to who I would or could call late at night in the case of the emergency. I was fairly certain that there were several I could have called and they would have done whatever was necessary to help me, but I hated the thought of surprising someone with an emergency HELP ME call without discussing it with them first. (The planner in me doesn't like to inconvenience anyone.) After the second incident, I mentioned this source of stress during prayer time with my ladies' Bible study group and before I even finished my request, the ladies were passing around a slip of paper so I had names and numbers that I could call any time day or night. Even now I'm in tears as I recall this because, although another situation never arose and I never needed to call one of those ladies on that list, that slip of paper would hang on our refrigerator the remainder of the deployment and I never once looked at it without being reminded of the love and care of so many incredible women and the love and providence of God.

I can never say thank you enough to any of the ladies above, whether they watched the girls for me while I went to an appointment or a meeting or whether they eased my mind by offering to be on call. Both provided comfort and both were a reminder that I am not alone. Amazingly enough, those stories are just a drop in the bucket.

I am also so thankful for.......

My go-to gals who always had time for a phone call or a messenger chat, who patiently listened to my rambling stories and my craziness and helped me sort through the muddle of emotions and challenges.- Thank you for being a safe place to land and an honest but calming and wise voice.

My grandma who wrote daily devotionals and shared them with both Drew and I- Thank you for the time you put into it, the sound teaching found throughout them and the additional layer of connection you helped to create between Drew and I while we were separated.

The ladies- you know who you are- who were my go-to babysitters- Thank you for your willingness, your generosity and the love you brought to each visit. Thank you for making it possible for me to not only handle personal matters but also serve in ways outside of our home.

The ladies who took the girls out just so I could have a little time alone- Thank you for that precious commodity and thank you for the attention and love you showered on our girls.

To those who offered to help with the girls, whether you ever did or not, thank you for coming along side of us.

To those who stopped what they were doing to listen to my honest answer to the question, "How are you doing?", thank you for taking the time and caring.

To those who always had time to listen to the girls and get a hug (or two) whenever we stopped by the office, thank you for loving our girls so completely.

To those who listened to the latest parenting challenges I faced and offered encouragement and support as I tried to find a way to be both mom and dad to our girls, thank you for the grace you offered me and the guidance you shared.

To those who asked me how Drew was doing, even when I didn't have much new to report, thank you for remembering he remained very much a part of our thoughts and lives despite the distance.

To those who wrote me notes and sent me cards, thank you for remembering us and brightening my day.

To those who heard we were going through a deployment and left me poems, books and other materials, thank you for taking time after the fact to remember me and encourage us along the way.

To those who sent care packages to the girls and I, thank you for the reminder that our we are loved by so many, near and far away.

And to the many, many who hugged us and held us close, thank you for being there at just the right time.


Each and every one of you was a beautiful reminder that as a part of the body of Christ, we are never alone, and with each word and deed God silently whispered to me, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.." (Isaiah 41:10)

Teaching Me To Trust

After a long few weeks, I woke this morning and felt as though the very fibers of my being were strained to the point of breaking and my nerves were frazzled beyond repair. Stress, some unavoidable and some self-inflicted, was tearing at me and weighing me down. For days now, I have found myself thinking, “I can’t do this any longer.” As close as we may be, what remains is still far too much and the pressure of it all- the deployment, the parenting, the move, the unknowns and the waiting- were taking their toll.

My patience had reached a low point; my need for order, control and timeliness were screaming for attention and the girls were swept along in the wake. I know I was barely holding things together as we entered the church building this morning and while I know we stopped to speak to a few people before we headed in to service, sadly most of it is lost on me now just hours later.

As the service began, I held the girls close, hoping to bridge any rifts my distress might have created and I felt the tears brimming at the surface. As I tried to sing, my throat began to burn and words were hard to come by. And then, as He so often does, He reminded me ever so clearly that He knows what I face, He knows my struggles and He knows my sorrow. He can turn my tears into something beautiful and He is working even as I wait.

“There is strength within the sorrow

There is beauty in our tears

And You meet us in our mourning

With a love that casts out fear

You are working in our waiting

You’re sanctifying us

When beyond our understanding

You’re teaching us to trust”

Lord,

You are faithful. You are forever and You are sovereign. I know this but I have to admit I don't always live this. Forgive me and help me to fight the lies of fear and stress with what I know to be true of You. Thank you for remaining true even when I falter and need reminding- time and again.

You are perfect in love. Lord I am so grateful for this, for I surely don't deserve it. As I sit here tonight, I look back and see how imperfect my love can be- for You, for our girls and for all You have created. Help me see those areas where my love should be more like Yours and give me the strength to pursue it, regardless of  all else.

Teach me to trust Lord- at all times, in all things, when I wake and when I lay down, when the plan seems clear before me and in the unknown and the waiting.

Separation

This separation from Drew is painful and no amount of time lessens the ache. It can still hit me like a freight train at just a moments' notice, and despite all that I say and do to help the girls with their own loss and pain, there are times when I cannot seem to take my own advice. That is where I found myself last night. For 161 days, we have relied on texts, emails, packages and video chats to help stay connected. And while I am grateful that we live in a time and place where this is even possible, I also have moments when I admit that video chatting isn't enough because all I really want, all the girls want, is Drew and nothing really makes up for that. In acknowledging that truth, my heart broke and  I wept for the time we've already been apart and the time still to go.

This morning as church service began, I found that all of those emotions were still simmering just below the surface. Still I fought to focus on the words and praise found within the songs and was so grateful for their message. The last song we sang was "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong.

Take a couple of minutes and listen to the whole song, if you aren't familiar with it. The message of the song is beautiful and such a wonderful reminder, but today I only saw one thing..... the phrase "My sin was great, Your love was greater; What could separate us now." Separate- a word that cut me to the heart and caused the tears to flow deeply and freely. And while the tears were tears of sadness at the separation I am enduring right now, they were also tears of joy. This separation from Drew leaves me with an almost tangible feeling of being ripped in half. It hurts and I carry that hurt with me every moment of each day. Yet still as much as Drew is my other half, a very real part of my very being now- Christ is more. The thought of being separated from Him is distressing, but the knowledge that nothing- absolutely NOTHING- can separate us now is an amazingly beautiful thing!

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39

For one who believes in Jesus and acknowledges his authority and lordship, these promises offer hope, comfort and strength. They keep me singing in the midst of my tears and keep me joyful in the midst of sorrow and separation.

Heavenly Father- 
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 
Thank you for concerning yourself with one such as me and never leaving me.
May I be more aware of your presence and may I seek to find you in each moment of every day.

Overcome

I just finished a bit of cardio and leg exercises, and despite following a routine similar to what I have completed in the past, I found that about a quarter of the way through I felt like I was at my quitting point. My thighs were burning. My heart racing. My lungs and throat felt like they were on fire, and I had a lovely headache building. (I'll be honest. The headache was the tipping point.) I didn't see how I would make it through and felt I might have to quit before reaching the end. The fight to persevere took hold though, and as I neared the midway point of my workout I didn't feel any changes physically, but mentally I committed to the idea of finishing. And as I did, a connection between my physical endeavor and my personal journey came to light.

So often with hardships, the start is daunting and the struggle can seem overwhelming and beyond painful. Yet as you approach the mid-point, the finish line becomes visible in the distance and with it, the will to continue. That is where I found myself in the middle of my workout. And as I pressed on, the end became all the clearer and with it, my determination rose. By the end, I was glad  I had persevered despite the struggles along the way and I knew I would be stronger because of it.

How true this is with the hardships we face in life! Even truer, if we are willing to lay those hardships at the feet of a loving and compassionate God. The road we travel will still be filled with times of pain and struggle, and there may very well be times when we feel that our only option is to give up. Yet if we commit and continue on the path laid before us while resting in the hands of our Heavenly Father, we will look back and acknowledging the pain and hardship, we can still be thankful for the journey and know we are stronger for it.

For me, the current hardship I am facing is deployment and all that goes with that- separation from my husband, best friend and confidant; the responsibility for our home, finances and all related decisions; bearing the weight of both mother and father for our girls and trying to fill in those gaps created by Drew's absence all while taking on the full care and parenting of our two girls, two girls who are facing their own struggles with the absence of their father.

For others, the hardship may be a body that is failing, a recent life-changing diagnosis or the on-going battle with a degenerative disease. The hardship may be financial troubles, the death of a loved one or a strained/broken relationship. For others it may be uncertainty about your future or the loss of a long-held dream. Whatever you face, the hardship is real. The pain is palpable and ever-present, and the end seems impossible.

Yet no matter what hardship you find yourself in or how long the road may be, do not be dismayed for with God you can be an overcomer.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart." Hebrews 12:1-3

Lord- 

You are a loving and compassionate Father, who cares about the lives of his earthly children. Thank you for the grace and peace you offer to all and the strength and endurance you provide to those who turn to you.

Thank you for those you have placed in our lives- the men and women who love on our girls and support us during our time of separation and loneliness. Thank you for never leaving us.

I know many who are facing mighty hardships in this world and for some right now, their road seems unending and unbearable. I pray for them now- as I have in the past. I pray that through you they will find the strength they need for this day and I ask that you would grant them peace in the midst of their turmoil. Lord, surround them with others who can encourage and uplift them and help us all to have open eyes to see those near us who are hurting and in need of a comforting and guiding touch.

And in this moment, may we reflect your light upon this world as we overcome what holds us down.

Ecuador: Busy but Blessed

We have made it to the halfway point in my Ecuador trip, but as I go further along, I am finding it harder and harder to describe each day. How do you fully capture the joy found in time spent with a couple hundred children? How do I express the growing admiration I felt for the in-country Compassion workers (both locally and nationally) and the deepening relationship and care for all of the incredible people from Ecuador that we met? How can I fully describe the growing relationships- forged not through a similar culture or language- but built on respect, love and compassion based on the solid foundation of Christ? Words don't seem enough, but at the same time, I don't want to skip these parts because these moments encapsulate the entire trip. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words and so, I think I will allow the pictures to tell much of this story.

Besides devotions, training and home visits, we stayed very busy on Tuesday and Wednesday with the people of this little coastal town in Ecuador. As I eluded to in my last Ecuador post, some children arrived early in the day (such as Alejandra did on Tuesday). 

For those of us who didn't necessarily have a defined task to complete, we had the pleasure of playing with the children and interacting with the guardians who brought them. We played uno; we made silly animal faces with stickers.

Others played outside with balls, tractor tires, and more, while still others taught young and old how to make a craft out of yarn- commonly referred to as a God's eye.

A few had taken on more specific tasks. A couple ladies helped where they could in the kitchen while a handful of the men completed a painting project in the kitchen/dining space.

We would all eventually come together for the VBS program, beginning with a large group time of singing and the telling of our nightly story. I found myself sitting in the midst of the children each night and while their excitement about my presence was easily recognizable, it didn't detract from their interest in what was happening on stage. And it was not just the attention of the children who were present but many of the guardians were listening as well.

From our large group, we would split up and head to the classrooms. The children are typically divided into three age groups and we followed suit. I would spend my afternoons with approximately 50 six to eight year olds. Boy were they FULL of energy! It took every bit of my sparse Spanish to keep up with them and try to help keep things flowing.

One of three tables in our classroom of 6-8 year olds.

But our translator was a rock star. He would be hoarse by the second afternoon, but he managed to not only keep their attention during the telling of the story but did so in a way that helped bring it to life.

Telling the story of Jesus walking on the water. The children are all sitting on "the boat," while two of the boys helped to act out the roles of Jesus and Peter.

While the children were still in the classrooms, dinner would be served. This is quite a feat when you have 150-200 children who all face poverty on a daily basis. We will never know for certain, but for some, this dinner may have been their only real, filling meal of the day.

What I do know is the incredible amount of work the kitchen staff put into preparing and cooking 200 meals of what typically consisted of chicken, rice and a vegetable. These ladies are amazing! They work in the kitchen around hot stoves and ovens in the heat of the day for several hours to ensure each of these children receive a nutritious and sustaining meal. I struggle to work in a hot kitchen for 30 minutes a night, preparing a meal for four- myself included- during the few weeks out of the year when the lack of cooling in our house becomes an issue. Yet these women do the same thing day in and day out for hundreds of others.

A couple of the ladies from the kitchen with a massive pot of rice.

As the food was ready to be served, large wooden trays would be loaded with approximately 15 plates of food, walked across the sandy play area and taken up stairs into the classrooms. This trip would need to be repeated multiple times to serve meals to each classroom. In the meantime, the very presence of food in the room would make some of the children absolutely antsy to receive their plate.

One little boy will remain forever in my memory. He was sitting with two other children around a small teacher's desk, where just enough space had been cleared for their plate and cup as we had run out of space at the tables. As the first tray of food arrived, it was clear that he was very hungry and eager for dinner, but he would have to wait until the end as the first plates of food in the room went to the tables. I was sitting directly across from him for the entire dinner time and yet I have no memory of seeing a full plate of food in front of him as he seemed to inhale the food as soon as the plate touched the desktop. His plate was completely cleaned in under five minutes. If the little bit we give each month to help sponsor a child ensures that a child such as that little boy receives a filling, sustaining, nutritious meal on a regular basis, it is well worth it. I can't imagine saying "no" to sponsorship after seeing just this one way in which the funds are used for the benefit of these children.

Once the dishes were cleared, we all made our way outside, and once there, every kind of play and fun seemed to be occurring. Children and adults alike were grinning from ear to ear as they found ways to play together and connect with each other.

Obviously these days were busy in the best of ways but as I think back on them, there is one memory that really left an impression on me that I want to get down in writing.

Before I left Colorado, I picked up a few hundred sheets of scented stickers. I tucked the sheets into a purse as I prepared for the day on Tuesday morning, and I remember feeling a little insecure that stickers were such a small gift. What if the children just weren't interested? Ha! Later that afternoon, I would find out how silly those fears were and be so thankful I brought the stickers with me.

We had some free time to interact and play with the kids while we waited for the auditorium to be prepared for a movie. Two little girls with their mothers were standing near me, shyly smiling at me. I knelt down to their level and pulled out the stickers, using hand motions to get across the idea that they could pick one and smell them. Boy did the idea of smelling stickers make them laugh! Another child or two would notice I had the stickers out and ask me if they could have one, and the crowd around me would grow. At other times, I would watch as a child who had already picked out a sticker would return with friends in hand, having shared the news. It wasn't long until I was completely surrounded by children waiting to pick out a sticker.

All total, I would hand out around 200 stickers. If their initial response to the stickers wasn't incredible enough, what I saw the next day stopped me in my tracks. As we settled down for the large group time on Wednesday (nearly 24 hours later), a little girl would come up and sit next to me, still wearing her sticker on her forehead. The care she must have taken with that sticker and the value she obviously gave it were beyond anything I could ever have imagined when I purchased them back in the States. Even now I am humbled when I consider how little it cost me and how much it meant to her.

Photo from Wednesday night. See the sticker on the little girl in the bottom left corner?

The time with all of these amazing children and adults was truly indescribable. As Wednesday night came to a close and we were told we needed to board the bus, I found it hard to leave, for Wednesday would be the last time I saw most of these children. Only a few would be with us again the next day, and while that was to be a very special day in and of itself, each and every one of the children we met were so incredibly special and dear. No amount of time with them could ever be enough.

Bits and Pieces

Every now and then, a thought will come to me so clearly as I lay in bed that I know I'll never get to sleep until I get it on paper (figuratively in this case). Tonight was one of those nights. I, in no way, believe I am the first to think of this illustration, but once the idea took root, my perception on our whole situation turned the corner.

You see up to this point, we have slowly received little tidbits of information that have given us impressions on what direction things were going, what kind of job Drew might be heading towards, etc. Yet in the last day or so, more information has come our way which has made me realize that what we thought we might know, we didn't. Even though we felt like we had several parts of the picture lined up, our picture was, and remains, a vast mystery. We are still missing a lot of pieces to the puzzle.

And as I thought about a puzzle, I had an idea. I went and pulled out one of our 1000 piece puzzles- a favorite past time for Drew and I. I opened up the puzzle, mixed up all of the pieces- just in case major sections were still connected- and pulled out 10 pieces (or 1%) of the puzzle. This is what it looked like:

Now who wants to play a game with me? From the picture above, can you take a guess at what the image in the completed puzzle might look like? Take a moment.....

For me, the striped pieces jump out and my first thought turns to a hot air balloon. Perhaps this is because we spent several years in Albuquerque, at which time I absolutely fell in love with hot air balloons. That's just me though. What do you see in this 1%?

What if I doubled the number of puzzle pieces to 20 (2%)? Does the picture become clearer?

Perhaps your thinking 2% is still a small amount. That's fine. Let's jump to 50 pieces of the puzzle. (That's 5%.)

And if 50 isn't yet enough, what if I showed you 100 pieces of the puzzle? You now have access to 10% of the entire picture.

I don't know about you, but I can tell you that to me, it still looks like a hot air balloon (or a few) up in the air with maybe some grass and possibly a rock path. That is honestly the kind of image that forms in my head when I look at these 100 puzzle pieces, even though I know what the image on the puzzle is.

My approach to all of the possible changes for our family this fall is no different than trying to identify the image on a 1000 piece puzzle with 10% of the pieces. Even though 100 pieces seems like a lot, in the grand scheme of things, it's still just a jumbled mess without the rest of the pieces and the overall picture. I cannot see the whole picture. I cannot even see a good portion of the picture. All I see are pieces and because of that, I am not the best one to take control of this situation.

Not only that, but when I see how little of the picture I actually possess, I also realize how ridiculous it is to stress about the little tidbits we have picked up. For while I may think I know what those striped pieces and grainy tan pieces will turn into, the reality is that there are an infinite number of possibilities.

So for those of you who played along, let's take a peek at the whole picture:

How close did you come? Did you see a castle in the puzzle pieces or realize there were boats and a water way? If you did, that's fairly incredible and I applaud you. From the guess I made above, you all know I wasn't even close. Not only did I miss out on the big picture, I didn't even come close to seeing all the details that set this image apart.

If I had tried to force the 100 puzzle pieces into a configuration that would have coincided with the image I had created in my mind, I would have ruined some of the pieces, making it impossible to complete, and that would have been a sad thing. For while I would have loved the picture I described, the picture above is also a beautiful setting. (And if you know my husband, you know he would love to find himself in any one of those boats.)

Life with God works the same way. The picture we have in mind for our future may seem pleasant and beautiful to us, but we only see bits and pieces. The plan God has in store for us will be for our ultimate good, but we must hold our own plans loosely enough in the palm of our hand that while we can move forward, we can also let go when led to do so by God- in order that he might take us down the best path.


"For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."  Jeremiah 29:11

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28




Lord, I find myself time and again comforted in the knowledge that you are not bound by time as we are and therefore can see the picture of my life in a way I will not until I enter eternity. 

Even still I can cling tightly to my own plans, believing them to be the best and, sometimes, the only good answer. Thank you for helping me to loosen my grip so I can enjoy the goodness that comes from walking on your path.