For the last month or so, Drew and I have been standing at
an intersection point in our lives. Two paths lay before us, and we were going
to have to decide which one to take. As I looked at the two options, the
decision seemed impossible. Both paths would come with benefits as well as
concerns/disadvantages, and I truly could not see anywhere where the balances
really tipped in favor of one or the other. One day I would lean towards the one
path, and the next I was leaning in the other direction. There was good in both;
there was uncertainty in both. There were things I looked forward to in both;
there were things I feared in both.
Throughout all of our decision-making process, we have been praying that God would lead us onto the path that was best for us- both individually and as a family. Drew and I desire above all else to serve the Lord and walk in His will, and so we asked Him to show us what that was in this situation. As time went on though, I had to admit that one direction was definitely the desire of my heart, and I very much wanted to see God moving us in that direction. So I prayed just for that. I told God how much I liked the idea of the one path and asked him to open a door- clear the path even just a little bit- in that direction if it was in His will and would be good for us.
Throughout all of our decision-making process, we have been praying that God would lead us onto the path that was best for us- both individually and as a family. Drew and I desire above all else to serve the Lord and walk in His will, and so we asked Him to show us what that was in this situation. As time went on though, I had to admit that one direction was definitely the desire of my heart, and I very much wanted to see God moving us in that direction. So I prayed just for that. I told God how much I liked the idea of the one path and asked him to open a door- clear the path even just a little bit- in that direction if it was in His will and would be good for us.
I prayed and I watched. I looked for anything that might
appear to be an open door or even a cracked window. And out of the blue, an
opening appeared…. but not in the direction I wanted. The opening wasn’t a definite
though- just a bit of a clearing- and so I prayed again. I acknowledged the
opening that had appeared and expressed my confusion and prayed that God would
just make things a bit clearer. All the while, I laid the wishes of my heart at
his feet and asked Him to direct us.
A week ago, the time came when the decision had to be made. Drew received two pieces of news; one didn’t move us much to the left or the right, but the other confirmed that although the opening wasn’t definite- it was highly likely. The path that I liked less was being opened to us more and more. Meanwhile none of my research- of which I did a great deal- had cleared the way at all on the path I longed for. I wish I could say that I recognized right then and there that God was showing us what to do and that I made the decision myself to follow along that path…. But I couldn’t. There hadn’t been any flashing signs pointing us in one direction or the other- only gentle nudges- so maybe, just maybe, God hadn’t given us a final answer yet.
A week ago, the time came when the decision had to be made. Drew received two pieces of news; one didn’t move us much to the left or the right, but the other confirmed that although the opening wasn’t definite- it was highly likely. The path that I liked less was being opened to us more and more. Meanwhile none of my research- of which I did a great deal- had cleared the way at all on the path I longed for. I wish I could say that I recognized right then and there that God was showing us what to do and that I made the decision myself to follow along that path…. But I couldn’t. There hadn’t been any flashing signs pointing us in one direction or the other- only gentle nudges- so maybe, just maybe, God hadn’t given us a final answer yet.
Drew and I talked that night after which he told me the
direction he thought we should go. It wasn’t the choice my heart wanted, but
deep down, I knew it was the choice we were being called to make. And in that
moment, I had to admit to myself that perhaps God’s answer to my prayers had
been a “no.” It hurts to admit that because I wanted the one path so very much,
but I have also seen God work in mighty, incredible ways after gently and
lovingly telling me “no.” The path has rarely been easy and has often been downright
painful, but looking back at those times, I am so grateful God didn’t give me
what I wanted. Instead He said “no” and gave me exactly what I needed.
And so we have taken our first steps down the one path- moving forward in confidence that the Lord has directed our steps and will see us through because we have seen what the psalmists knew when they wrote, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” Psalm 37:5 and “those who know your name, put their trust in you, for you O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10
And so we have taken our first steps down the one path- moving forward in confidence that the Lord has directed our steps and will see us through because we have seen what the psalmists knew when they wrote, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him, and He will act.” Psalm 37:5 and “those who know your name, put their trust in you, for you O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10
It’s only been a week since the decision was made, and I find
myself mourning the path we will not take- needing time to say “goodbye” to the
dream, so I can move forward without regret or doubt. I am vulnerable in that
way, and the adversary is certainly trying to take advantage of that. Already I
can see doubt and fear trying to undermine that confidence. In just the last few
days, I have had three separate occasions where I have been forced to face the
hardships we will likely endure on our intended path. The fears, the
frustrations that made this path less appealing are staring me in the face, prodding
me to turn back, but there is no turning back. Circumstances won’t allow it,
and deep down, I know the only way through this life- no matter what path we
had chosen- is to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus, for He is my savior and
deliverer, and He has promised, “So do not
fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen
you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
So as I take the next step down the path set before us, I think back to the Robert Frost quote above and remember that the diverging paths set before me wasn’t actually about the decision we made. No in reality, it is something far greater: To follow Christ in all things or to go my own way. And I trust that because of His leading-- the hard road, the dirtier road- the road less traveled- is the road that will lead us to our greatest joy and peace.
So as I take the next step down the path set before us, I think back to the Robert Frost quote above and remember that the diverging paths set before me wasn’t actually about the decision we made. No in reality, it is something far greater: To follow Christ in all things or to go my own way. And I trust that because of His leading-- the hard road, the dirtier road- the road less traveled- is the road that will lead us to our greatest joy and peace.
“Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own
understanding. In ALL your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.”
Proverbs 3:5-6
