Thankful

I am thankful for a Godly man to call my husband.

I am thankful for Drew’s early return.

I am thankful for laughter and joy despite sorrow and absence.

I am thankful for parents who taught me about and lived a life of love for the Lord.

I am thankful for a loving family.

I am thankful for good friends, for whom time and distance do not matter.

I am thankful for our church families scattered around the country, who have encouraged, supported                                     and challenged us.

I am thankful for those who have offered a helping hand, watched the girls, spoken words of                                                      encouragement, and listened when I needed to work through issues.

I am thankful for technology that allows us to talk and see Drew despite the distance.

I am thankful for lessons learned through this deployment.

I am thankful I have been given an assurance regarding my eternal home.

Above all, I am thankful for an all-knowing, all-powerful, ever- present God who is still concerned with one such as me- my needs, my wishes, my fears, my joys…. my future.

How Do You Do it?

Over the past months, a question I have commonly heard is "How do you do it?" That's a tough question to answer. If you asked me why I do it, the answer comes easily. I do it because I love my husband. I want my husband to be happy and I cannot imagine him in any other profession. Separations and deployments are part of the Army package and so I do it because I have to.

But how do I do it? Whenever I am asked that question, I feel like I stumble around. Tonight I heard a song that seemed to nicely wrap up my thoughts on the matter.


"I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord
And I am peaceful, I'm waiting on You Lord
Though it's not easy no, but faithfully I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I'm waiting I will serve You
While I'm waiting I will worship
While I'm waiting I will not faint
I'll be running the race even while I wait"

(John Waller, While I'm Waiting)


How do I do it? I think the reality is I don't do it. By myself- on my own- I wouldn't be able to do it. No, I am able to do it because I am constantly waiting on the Lord to lead me. He has given me the strength, the wisdom, the confidence, and the perserverance. He has shown me that despite all, I can have joy, hope, and peace when I sit at His feet. While I wait, both for Drew's return and the Lord's leading, I keep myself going by serving Him where He has placed me- with our girls, in our church and in our community. And throughout it, I find that the best days are not those that have been free of stress or troubles, but those that are filled with my obedience and worship of Him.

Does that mean I have skated through this deployment, without a sense of loss or despair? Does that mean I have handled every situation beautifully? Absolutely NOT! No while I serve a perfect God, I am not perfect. I have plowed ahead on my own strength and knowledge; I have ignored; I have refused to wait any longer. With each of those, I have struggled until I turned back and once again sat at His feet, waiting for His guidance and direction.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the defense of my life;
Whom shall I dread?

When evildoers came upon me to devour my flesh,
My adversaries and my enemies, they stumbled and fell. 
Though a host encamp against me,
My heart will not fear;
Though war arise against me,
In spite of this I shall be confident.

One thing I have asked from the Lord, that I shall seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord
And to meditate in His temple.

For in the day of trouble He will conceal me in His tabernacle;
In the secret place of His tent He will hide me;
He will lift me up on a rock.
And now my head will be lifted up above my enemies around me,
And I will offer in His tent sacrifices with shouts of joy;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.

Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice,
And be gracious to me and answer me.
When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You,
“Your face, O Lord, I shall seek.”
Do not hide Your face from me,
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not abandon me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation!

Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and let your heart take courage;
Yes, wait for the Lord."

Psalm 27:1-9, 14

Soon, But Not Soon Enough

We only have about a month, 30 days, until Drew is home. That news is exciting, and yet, it is still at least 30 days. In any other situation, 30 days apart would sound terrible, but the alternative places it in a new light. Still as we have continued on from the great news, the realities of every day life have taken some of the shine off as we settle in to wait.... 

wait for December to come, 

wait for Drew to leave Afghanistan, 

wait for Drew to get his name on the fly list out of Kuwait, 

wait to see when he'll actually begin his journey back to the States.

Yet as we wait, we comfort ourselves in the knowledge that he will be home soon.

Pizza and Pops- a special lunch for the kindergartners and their Dads- is this Friday. All of the children in Naomi's class will have their Dads or a Grandpa with them-- all except Naomi. She hasn't acted too upset about it. Her PE teacher has volunteered to come and sit with her as a friend and she thought that was exciting until she realized that she would be the only one without her Dad or Grandpa. This afternoon, I was asking her about a special gift they have been working on for their Dads and in the process, she broke down. She wants her Dad to come. She wants "Daddy to come home NOW." Our beautiful little girl, who has been so strong throughout this deployment, just wants to share pizza with her Dad, just like every other student in her class. A sweet simple wish that we cannot fulfill.

30 days is definitely better than 100+ days. 30 days suddenly sounds so soon. 

But today.... soon.... just isn't soon enough.

Lord,

Please be with us as we wait. We are ever so grateful that Drew is coming home so much sooner than we anticipated. Yet still, the waiting is hard. It is so close and yet still too far away. Help us to take it one day at a time and to enjoy each day You have given us.

 Please be my guide as I help Naomi through the next few days, as she finds herself in a situation where Drew's absence becomes glaringly clear. Be with her this Friday. I pray she will have a good time with her classmates and her PE teacher. Thank you for his willingness to step in, taking away some of the sting of her own father's absence. 

Where Fears Are Stilled

Drew's return is drawing ever closer and I can't think of anything else I want in this world than for the arrival of that day.

Yet as the time approaches, I also find a nagging fear. I've always heard that the post-deployment adjustment can be harder on a couple than the separation ever was. I've read that the expectations of the two can often contribute to this and I have tried very hard to not expect Drew's return to mean the end of my need to carry a heavier burden regarding the home (both house and girls). Yet as time ticks by, I find myself dreaming more and more of the day when I am not solely left to handle various tasks. As I dream of this, I try to not expect Drew to come home and immediately be prepared to take on the duties as before his deployment, yet I hope that somehow he can.

It's this hope that scares me. There isn't much in this life more important to me than my relationship with Drew and there is nothing more that I want than to see it restored to where it was before he had to leave and continue to grow and flourish in the way that it had been at that time. I am afraid of what I might knowingly or unknowingly expect of him upon his return. I am afraid I will be selfish in those expectations. I am afraid I will be impatient in the days that follow his return. I am afraid I will be disappointed if things don't return to how I remember (although it seems improbable that they will).

I have had elevated emotions throughout this whole experience- every high has seemed higher and every low has felt lower- and I expect that to remain true after as well. I know his return will be the high point of this year, yet that just leaves more room to crash, greater heights to fall from if I am not realistic and do not have reasonable expectations.


"In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand."

(In Christ Alone, Natalie Grant)


Yes, Lord,

That is my prayer. That as we approach this wonderful and glorious time- a time of great joy- my hope, my strength, my peace will be found in You, and I pray that through all of the adjustments that lay before us, I will stand in Your love and I will love, completely and unselfishly, just as You love us.