Nearly 14 years ago, I did something that I never planned….. never wanted to do- I married a man in uniform.
I was never one of those girls who spent lots of time
planning my wedding. In fact, I rarely thought about a wedding when I was
younger, but there was one thing I always knew. I did not want to be married to
a man in uniform, whether military, police force or fire department. Starting
over time and again, making new friends, putting myself out there, deployments,
long work days, the unknown. The idea sounded impossibly hard, stressful and
lonely, and it honestly terrified me. I was certain it was not the right path
for me.
So 12 years ago as Drew took his oath of office and commissioned
into the US Army, I found myself in one of the few places I was certain I wasn’t
meant to be.
And after 12 years, I can tell you this: it is just as hard as I imagined and there are still so many aspects of the Army life that I find stressful and challenging. I have moved more times than I would ever wish. I have walked into house after house wondering if this would be our next home. I have visited church after church praying God would bring us to a new church family where we could grow and serve. I have said goodbye to Drew and held back the tears, so I could better comfort our girls. I have waited and waited for a phone call that didn’t come, and I have celebrated when our family was reunited once again. I have had to watch our girls say goodbye to dear friends and hold them as they cried in loneliness. I have mourned for them and questioned how our choices will affect them as they continue to grow. I’ve wished for the ease of living in one place with life long friends ready and able to show up at a moment’s notice if needed. All this has only confirmed to me that I was right all those years ago. I am not naturally made for a military life. It doesn’t come easily and I am not strong enough for it.
Yet here I am- and I am certain this is where I am meant to
be and that God’s plan is at work right now. Because while I’m not strong
enough- HE is! I couldn’t have imagined this life for myself but I believe God
had something bigger in mind for me. He just asked me to step out in faith.
To drive 24 hours south to a summer camp in central Texas.
To give a young man from Texas a chance even if it meant our first year
together was long distance.
To move away from all of my family to see what might be.
To say yes when asked.
To choose Him and His way over my fear.
And through the years I have continued to see God move in
mighty ways- moving me into positions I once again would never have envisioned
for myself. But in it all, I have come to better understand, “ Trust
in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL
your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6) For
although the Army life is something I never saw or thought I wanted, it’s
exactly what I needed.
In those same 12
years, we have made each place a home and learned that home is less about the
house but more about the ones you share it with. Each house has had its own
unique challenges, but looking back, I can also see how each has placed us just
where we needed to be- whether because of the neighborhood, the community, the
neighbors, the proximity to friends/church building, or the school zone.
Each time we have moved, we have found a new place to worship
but it has always been more than that, for each church body has become our
church family. We have been loved by them, encouraged and challenged by them,
supported and assisted by them, and allowed to grow and serve alongside them in
every location, and with each move, our family just grew bigger and more
diverse.
Each move has taken us to a new part of the country,
providing us with the opportunity to meet so many different people at all
stages of life and from all types of backgrounds. We have seen through all of
this the beauty of God’s creation- in the diversity of the landscape and the
endless uniqueness of each individual we’ve met. We have learned that
relationships do not have to be defined by time or space but by the love and
care between two people- no matter the distance and time between.
God has used our moves to keep me moving figuratively as
well. Serving with several different organizations and in ways I never would
have believed. He has used these different serving opportunities as stepping
stones for future endeavors and I have watched as each has helped me better
understand what drives me, what excites me and what I am most passionate about.
We have watched our girls grow in resiliency and courage and
seen their faith grow alongside.
We have faced hard goodbyes and had to stare down some of
our deepest fears only to find that God had already laid the groundwork to
provide for each, helping and supporting us through those He’d placed in our lives.
But with some of the hardest goodbyes (deployments), we have also had the
opportunity to experience the sweetest of reunions and joy.
Above all else, I have spent those 12 years with my best
friend and partner, and together we have made a family with two sweet,
compassionate, beautifully unique little girls.
So is it hard? Yes.
Is it stressful? Yes.
Do I feel like a fish out of water at times? Absolutely.
Does my life look anything like what I imagined as a girl? Certainly not- but despite
all of that, it is absolutely worth it. All I have learned; all I have seen and
experienced have helped to make me the woman I am today. It has deepened my
faith and taught me to look to God first and not just when everything is
crashing down around me. I still mess up but I can see the immeasurable good
that has come from what seemed like the impossible.
So where do you find yourself today? Is there something that
you keep thinking about that seems impossible or scary? What is something you
are drawn to but don’t feel strong enough or well-equipped for? Let God lead
you. Take a step of faith and see what mighty, incredible things He has in
store for you. I can tell you this, the path will not always be easy, but it is
worth it, and you’ll never regret following His leading in your life.
