Several weeks back, we were studying stewardship at church. One Sunday, we were each given a small stack of stick-it notes that had the phrase "property of God" printed on them and we were encouraged to use the notes to mark those items for which we need to loosen our grip and remember that they are not ours in the first place. I have been thinking about my list for the last many days and I have recognized that while I have some tangible items I could mark with a stick-it note, others would prove difficult. Since a stick-it note won't work for everything, I want to start here, with a list:
(1) Myself- I wish I could take credit for this observation, but another thought of it first. None the less, the truth of it still holds. All that I am, my very breath is God-given. Everything I accomplish and all the good I do has been accomplished by God's design or through His express leading. All that I am yet to do should be for His glory and not my own.
(2) My time- I like having a schedule because I like knowing what is coming up and being able to prepare for it. So for me, this is a BIG one. I may schedule my days but in the end, my time (what I do each hour and how many hours I remain on earth) are the Lord's. I can be quite task-oriented and results driven which causes me to hold tightly to my schedule. In those moments, people become interruptions to be quickly addressed. When I hold loosely to my plans knowing my time is ultimately the Lord's and all the results are His, people become the focus and purpose.
(3) My health- Generally I would say that I am in good health and frequently when I am ill, I can become frustrated by my inability to function in the way and to the level with which I am accustomed. Yet in those moments of weakness, I often find the strength of God, the grace and compassion of His people and see more clearly His priorities in the place of my own busyness. The Lord can and will use me for His purposes whether I am well or sick. It is my place to allow that to happen and seek Him whatever comes my way.
(4) Savings Account- I believe " The Lord gives and the Lord takes away," and so I believe that all of the money in all of our bank accounts is from the Lord. I also believe that "to whom much has been given, much shall be required," and the way I see it- no matter what our income- we have been given so much financially. So all of our finances are the Lord's, and we will be held accountable for how we have used those funds. Ye while I know that money will come and go with our checking account, I have a much harder time when it comes to our savings. It can be so hard to spend money that we have placed in our savings account- even when it is for a worthwhile cause. The questions- the fears of "what if?" However it all goes back to how tightly I hold to my plans- in this case, plans for our savings. Will the funds in there be used solely according to our predetermined plan or will I remember that the funds are ultimately His?
(5) Our Children- Our girls are gifts from God, entrusted to our care. They may have lived inside my womb for many months and may have received 50% of their DNA from me, but they are not mine. They are God's design and His creation. It is not my job to make them into the people I want them to be but to help guide them so they can grow into the young ladies God has created them to be.
(6) The Bible- This one may seem obvious because we often refer to the Bible as God's word and in the process we are giving Him ownership. However it is all too easy to turn to the Scriptures to find- not God's word- but our answer. Armed with knowledge of what we want the Bible to prove or disprove, we can often find or make a verse/passage say what we want it to say. I see this often in Biblical arguments and each time they remind me that I also need to be careful in approaching the Bible, to hear- not what I want, but- what God would say.
(7) Our Vehicles- Our vehicles aren't anything terribly special, but they were and remain two of the largest investments we maintain. And if for no other reason, their cost/value makes them something I fret over. Each little scratch, ding, or rub, not to mention the perpetual cracked windshield we seem to acquire, makes me cringe and can cause me to tighten my grip. Really though, why did we purchase the vehicles? Was it to keep them pristine, shiny and looking brand new or did we intend to use them as a means to attend work, visit family and friends, and generally share in life. Our vehicles are a means- a tool- and in the end, ultimately they must be at the disposal of God. Though even now writing that statement makes me stress a bit. Looks like there is still lots of room to grow.
(8) Drew- Drew is my husband. He is my love, my partner and my best friend. He is my support and my encourager. Yet no matter how many "my" statements I stack up, one thing remains: Drew is first and foremost a child of God and a follower of Christ. He will always consider my opinion and my wants, but in the end he will answer to God.
(9) My Future- Well if it hasn't already become clear, I am a planner. I like to know what is coming. Yet more and more, I feel as though when it comes to the "big" questions of my own future, I increasingly cannot see the answers. It's not an easy place for me but it helps remind me, that my future belongs to the Lord. Not only is He my creator, but I willingly gave Him the lead in my life twenty years ago when I claimed Him as my Lord and Savior.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Monday, August 31, 2015
Proclaim!
Recently in church service, we sang a well known song by the Newsboys. I'd encourage you to take a moment to listen:
Great words! But what really caught my attention was listening to the congregation. There is little that is more moving than listening as the voices of 250-300 people soar and swell while singing the chorus:
I believe in God the Father:
Great words! But what really caught my attention was listening to the congregation. There is little that is more moving than listening as the voices of 250-300 people soar and swell while singing the chorus:
We believe in God the Father!
We believe in Jesus Christ!
We believe in the Holy Spirit!
And He's given us new life!
We believe in the crucifixion!
We believe that He conquered death!
We believe in the resurrection!
And He's comin' back again!
This was more than just singing along with the worship leader; it was a portion of the body of Christ proclaiming their faith and it was absolutely beautiful!
As I listened, I couldn't help but think about carrying this out into the world. It is wonderful to so exuberantly and bolding proclaim what we believe when in the comfort of a family of believers, but how well does it translate outside of the walls of our church building? Some I'm certain do well; I also am certain I could do so much more.
I've long struggled to put what I believe into words, getting overwhelmed with the details, but no more. Using this song, here is what I believe:
I've long struggled to put what I believe into words, getting overwhelmed with the details, but no more. Using this song, here is what I believe:
I believe in God the Father:
I believe in God the Father- faithful and true, holy and just, creator and judge, full of grace and truth. The One who was and is and is to come.
I believe in Jesus Christ:
I believe in Jesus Christ, His son, the Prince of Peace and Lord of Lords, the Word who was in the beginning and spoke the world into existence, the suffering servant and conquering king, the light of the world and hope of the nations. I believe Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth and the Life and that He is "the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For in him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." (Colossians 1:15-20)
I believe in the Holy Spirit:
I believe in the Holy Spirit, a gift from God who helps with my weakness, convicts me of sin, righteousness and judgement, intercedes on my behalf and testifies that I am a child of God.
I believe that thanks to them, I have new life:
A new life not based on the desires and impulses of my natural, earthly self but one that is led by the Spirit, freeing me from the shame, condemnation and shackles of sin. A life of joy- based not on my circumstances but on the value God has placed on me.
I believe in the crucifixion:
I believe Jesus Christ, the only man to walk this earth without sin, chose to bear the infamy of my sin, the shame of the cross and the punishment for my wrongdoings that I might have the opportunity to approach the throne of grace. I believe He did all of this as a gift of love and grace, one freely offered to all but forced on none, a gift we each must choose to accept or deny.
I believe that He conquered death:
I believe that death, one of two things we jokingly say are the only certain things in life, could not hold Him because He is the creator and as such has authority and dominion over every aspect of His creation. I believe that with His triumph over the grave, Satan's illusion of power was destroyed and the war was won.
I believe in the resurrection:
I believe Jesus not only defeated death but He returned to walk on this earth, meeting with several hundreds of people and when that time came to an end, He was taken up into the heavens to sit at the right hand of the throne of God.
I believe that He's coming back again!
I believe that He will return one more time but this time He will come with trumpet blasts and all WILL know He is Lord and King. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. He will call the faithful to Himself and take them to paradise.
I believe in the Holy Spirit:
I believe in the Holy Spirit, a gift from God who helps with my weakness, convicts me of sin, righteousness and judgement, intercedes on my behalf and testifies that I am a child of God.
I believe that thanks to them, I have new life:
A new life not based on the desires and impulses of my natural, earthly self but one that is led by the Spirit, freeing me from the shame, condemnation and shackles of sin. A life of joy- based not on my circumstances but on the value God has placed on me.
I believe in the crucifixion:
I believe Jesus Christ, the only man to walk this earth without sin, chose to bear the infamy of my sin, the shame of the cross and the punishment for my wrongdoings that I might have the opportunity to approach the throne of grace. I believe He did all of this as a gift of love and grace, one freely offered to all but forced on none, a gift we each must choose to accept or deny.
I believe that He conquered death:
I believe that death, one of two things we jokingly say are the only certain things in life, could not hold Him because He is the creator and as such has authority and dominion over every aspect of His creation. I believe that with His triumph over the grave, Satan's illusion of power was destroyed and the war was won.
I believe in the resurrection:
I believe Jesus not only defeated death but He returned to walk on this earth, meeting with several hundreds of people and when that time came to an end, He was taken up into the heavens to sit at the right hand of the throne of God.
I believe that He's coming back again!
I believe that He will return one more time but this time He will come with trumpet blasts and all WILL know He is Lord and King. Every knee will bow and every tongue will confess. He will call the faithful to Himself and take them to paradise.
So how does what I believe- all of the above-express itself in my life? Can it only be heard in my words? If so, what needs to change so it is seen in my actions and proclaimed through my life?
How does what I believe affect my time/schedule, my finances, my priorities, my relationships?
How do I treat my family members, my friends, my co-workers, the people I meet for a moment?
How does what I believe change how I treat those who have hurt and belittled me?
How does what I believe change how I treat those who have hurt and belittled me?
Is what I believe expressed in my thoughts, my attitudes, and mt response to our society & culture?
I know I have a long way to go but these are the areas where I want my life to proclaim the words of the chorus above, and as I work on myself, I will stand to say:
I know I have a long way to go but these are the areas where I want my life to proclaim the words of the chorus above, and as I work on myself, I will stand to say:
I believe!
Thursday, August 20, 2015
Control
I feel it Lord. I don't know exactly why it is rearing its ugly head now but it is none the less and it is doing so with a vengeance. Something seems to be spinning far beyond my control and it leaves me desperate to control every other area in my life that I think I can reach.
The worst part is that this doesn't just affect me. My desperation and consuming control-grab leaves our girls and Drew in my wake all too often. A harsh word, a remark rashly spoken and belatedly regretted, heightened frustrations and impossible expectations. Requirements hard to keep myself as a full grown, competent and able woman laid at the feet of young children. Lines in the sand I push to make them follow instead of leading with a gentle word and encouraging hand.
Perfectionism and control leave so little room for grace, compassion, mercy and patience. Worst yet, perfectionism and control only considers my pride and arrogance and runs rough-shod over Your right and authority, Your honor and love. Too much of me and too little- far too little- of You.
Help me Lord. Help me to begin by taking control of my actions, my words, my thoughts. May I hold them captive to You, Lord and may all that I do eminate from thoughts that coincide with this: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8) I know I cannot do it alone but I also know that You have not left me alone. May I take hold of that- not just as knowledge but at the very core of my being. May it invade my way of thinking and ever raise my eyes above my own wants and needs to see You and Your kingdom.
Thank you for accepting me in my broken state, for loving me in spite of my stong-headed, independent self, and thank you for not leaving me there but offering to transform me if I will but stay in Your presence.
The worst part is that this doesn't just affect me. My desperation and consuming control-grab leaves our girls and Drew in my wake all too often. A harsh word, a remark rashly spoken and belatedly regretted, heightened frustrations and impossible expectations. Requirements hard to keep myself as a full grown, competent and able woman laid at the feet of young children. Lines in the sand I push to make them follow instead of leading with a gentle word and encouraging hand.
Perfectionism and control leave so little room for grace, compassion, mercy and patience. Worst yet, perfectionism and control only considers my pride and arrogance and runs rough-shod over Your right and authority, Your honor and love. Too much of me and too little- far too little- of You.
Help me Lord. Help me to begin by taking control of my actions, my words, my thoughts. May I hold them captive to You, Lord and may all that I do eminate from thoughts that coincide with this: "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." (Philippians 4:8) I know I cannot do it alone but I also know that You have not left me alone. May I take hold of that- not just as knowledge but at the very core of my being. May it invade my way of thinking and ever raise my eyes above my own wants and needs to see You and Your kingdom.
Thank you for accepting me in my broken state, for loving me in spite of my stong-headed, independent self, and thank you for not leaving me there but offering to transform me if I will but stay in Your presence.
My Little Bug-A-Boo
Darling Noelle,
Earlier this month you turned three years old and what an incredible and wonderful three years it has been. I have particularly loved this last year as your personality has truly begun to shine and I love getting to know the unique, beautiful little person you are. Happy Birthday, sweet, sweet little one.
As I think on you, little Noelle, I cannot help but smile as I recall your sweet, joyful spirit. You are so often like a little ray of sunshine. In fact I have found myself often saying that you wake up with "rainbows and sunshine" because that is exactly the kind of atmosphere you create with your sweet smile and bubbly spirit. It is hard to be gloomy or upset when you are nearby. Lord, Thank you for Noelle's beautiful spirit. I pray that this infectious joy and pure delight will not be squelched by the passing of time or the ways of this world. I pray that Noelle's spirit might remain a source of brightness in the lives of those around her.
These last few months have proven just what a little comedian you are. Your Daddy and I have known for some time that you loved to make others laugh and would repeat something time and again if it brought a smile to another's face. Yet in the last few weeks, your sense of humor and love of laughter has only increased and found new avenues of expression. I love your voices; they never fail to make me laugh. Lord, as before, I would ask that you protect this part of Noelle. Too often this world can weigh us down- whether through hardship or repetition- but Noelle's love of laughter is a beautiful counter to all of that. I pray that she would learn when the time is appropriate and could use this as a gift to others.
Unfortunately we have also been made aware of what appears to be a great fear in your life- being left alone. You have always been a bit more concerned when we left you in a new place, but that fear appeared to quickly disappear. Yet lately, even in our home, you will become quite nervous and upset if you think we are leaving you or if you cannot find us (ie. waking in the middle of the night). At these times, you always voice your fear, "Don't leave me,"; "I thought you'd left me." Daddy and I may have to leave you for a time and sometimes- particularly at your age now- that time can seem like forever, but we would never willingly leave you indefinitely. Lord, it is hard to hear Noelle continually voice a fear that we will leave her, yet for her, it is a true concern. We thank you Lord for the assurance that no matter what may happen in this world, she (and us as well) will never be alone. We pray Lord that as she grows older, she will come to understand this and rely upon this when the days seem dark and her path appears lonely. Never will You forsake her; never will You leave her.
Thank you for our little Bug-A-Boo- for her beautiful, infectious spirit and the joy she has brought to our lives. Thank you for sharing her with us and granting us the responsibility and honor of guiding her through these years. May our example and our words continually point her to You and may the works of our hands help her become the young lady You have made her to be.
Noelle, I can think of no greater gift to give you, for your third birthday or any to come, than to pray for you. The Lord entrusted you to our care but in the end, you are still His child- first and foremost. I pray that you will never forget that and will always desire to better know your Creator and Heavenly Father. And we pray that you will always know that your Mommy loves you. Your Daddy loves you.But above all, God loves you!
All the love I have,
Mommy
Earlier this month you turned three years old and what an incredible and wonderful three years it has been. I have particularly loved this last year as your personality has truly begun to shine and I love getting to know the unique, beautiful little person you are. Happy Birthday, sweet, sweet little one.
As I think on you, little Noelle, I cannot help but smile as I recall your sweet, joyful spirit. You are so often like a little ray of sunshine. In fact I have found myself often saying that you wake up with "rainbows and sunshine" because that is exactly the kind of atmosphere you create with your sweet smile and bubbly spirit. It is hard to be gloomy or upset when you are nearby. Lord, Thank you for Noelle's beautiful spirit. I pray that this infectious joy and pure delight will not be squelched by the passing of time or the ways of this world. I pray that Noelle's spirit might remain a source of brightness in the lives of those around her.
These last few months have proven just what a little comedian you are. Your Daddy and I have known for some time that you loved to make others laugh and would repeat something time and again if it brought a smile to another's face. Yet in the last few weeks, your sense of humor and love of laughter has only increased and found new avenues of expression. I love your voices; they never fail to make me laugh. Lord, as before, I would ask that you protect this part of Noelle. Too often this world can weigh us down- whether through hardship or repetition- but Noelle's love of laughter is a beautiful counter to all of that. I pray that she would learn when the time is appropriate and could use this as a gift to others.
Unfortunately we have also been made aware of what appears to be a great fear in your life- being left alone. You have always been a bit more concerned when we left you in a new place, but that fear appeared to quickly disappear. Yet lately, even in our home, you will become quite nervous and upset if you think we are leaving you or if you cannot find us (ie. waking in the middle of the night). At these times, you always voice your fear, "Don't leave me,"; "I thought you'd left me." Daddy and I may have to leave you for a time and sometimes- particularly at your age now- that time can seem like forever, but we would never willingly leave you indefinitely. Lord, it is hard to hear Noelle continually voice a fear that we will leave her, yet for her, it is a true concern. We thank you Lord for the assurance that no matter what may happen in this world, she (and us as well) will never be alone. We pray Lord that as she grows older, she will come to understand this and rely upon this when the days seem dark and her path appears lonely. Never will You forsake her; never will You leave her.
Thank you for our little Bug-A-Boo- for her beautiful, infectious spirit and the joy she has brought to our lives. Thank you for sharing her with us and granting us the responsibility and honor of guiding her through these years. May our example and our words continually point her to You and may the works of our hands help her become the young lady You have made her to be.
Noelle, I can think of no greater gift to give you, for your third birthday or any to come, than to pray for you. The Lord entrusted you to our care but in the end, you are still His child- first and foremost. I pray that you will never forget that and will always desire to better know your Creator and Heavenly Father. And we pray that you will always know that your Mommy loves you. Your Daddy loves you.But above all, God loves you!
All the love I have,
Mommy
Saturday, June 6, 2015
Perspective
June 3, 2015
Talks with Naomi- This Sunday Naomi started new curriculum in her Sunday School class- looking at the big story of the Bible and how every smaller story ties into God's big story. As we were talking about what she learned in class, we talked about a couple of the smaller stories, which led us to decide to begin to read through one of their Bible storybooks at nap and bedtimes. Both girls have enjoyed the stories, and Naomi's interest and ability to discuss the details of the story and the lessons we can learn from the stories has vastly improved since we last did this. I have so enjoyed the discussions, her interest and questions. I love watching as her thirst for more understanding and knowledge of the Bible and its meanings grow. Beyond that, I am ever so grateful for the children's team (staff and volunteers) at our church who have helped to encourage and inspire this learning all the more.
“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19
June 4, 2015
Lord,
I have struggled with putting a prayer down "on paper" this day. Not because I cannot think of anything to talk with You about, but because my brain just does not want to cooperate. Daily storm fronts often means daily migraines for me and I just haven't been functioning well today because of one. My words are not coming together, but that is the great thing about talking with You. You know my thoughts before I do and even when I cannot put the words together in a cohesive or intelligent stream of thought, You still understand. You are not looking for eloquence and perfect delivery; honesty and regular communication are far more important.
Thank you Lord for listening to me even when it seems like I am only getting out half of a thought. Thank you for knowing my thoughts, concerns, fears, and joys, yet still wanting to hear from me.
"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27
June 5, 2015
Fewer Headaches- For years and years, I didn't know and couldn't even imagine going through a day without a severe headache or migraine. Severe pain in my head was a constant and became my norm. It wasn't fun; it wasn't pleasant and it definitely affected my relationships, activities, functionality and productivity.
Moving to Colorado changed that for me. For the first time in well over a decade, I went days, even weeks without a migraine. Headaches and migraines, while still a regular part of my life, no longer held such sway on my days. Then this May happened. May was a wet month. Colorado Springs set an all time record high for precipitation in the month of May- at nearly four times the average monthly rainfall, but more significantly for me is not how much rain fell, but how often we had rainy days. This May, we had storm clouds and often some amount of rain almost every single day and with the constant fluctuation that comes with storm fronts, my migraines returned with a vengeance.
With the entrance of June, we saw some respite from the storms and I noticed that I had this sudden amount of energy. I felt so productive each day. I was doing special things with the girls (gardening, swimming ect), making good meals, running errands and had almost the entire house cleaned from top to bottom- all in a matter of just a few days. I was loving it.
The last few days though, the storms have returned and with them, my migraines. I was frustrated by the sudden limitations I felt, but today as I found myself doing little besides keeping the girls alive and making certain we all ate something thanks to a migraine which plagued me, I realized that I am feeling that frustration because migraines are no longer my norm, and that is one incredible praise!
"Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
June 6, 2015
Lord,
I do not like feeling limited or restricted by physical ailments, circumstances or anything else. The struggle with migraines has frustrated me over the years but they have been an amazing "teacher" as well.
Migraines have led to many doubts about my abilities as a wife and mother, a feeling of neediness and extreme dependence on others, and an inability to continue in aeas of service I have enjoyed over the years. Yet migraines have also led to discoveries of new areas of service, the ability to say "no", freedom from concerns on what others might think, moments of rest and silence, and a deep and abiding reliance on You.
Thank you for the migraines. I never thought I would say that, but I know that they slowed me down, highlighted my inability and need, and guided me to Your loving arms and competent hands. Thank you for Your constancy and faithfulness and the comfort found in knowing the Great Physician. May I never take for granted the "good days," the days without pain and on those days, may I never forget the lessons I have and continue to learn in my weakness.
"But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Talks with Naomi- This Sunday Naomi started new curriculum in her Sunday School class- looking at the big story of the Bible and how every smaller story ties into God's big story. As we were talking about what she learned in class, we talked about a couple of the smaller stories, which led us to decide to begin to read through one of their Bible storybooks at nap and bedtimes. Both girls have enjoyed the stories, and Naomi's interest and ability to discuss the details of the story and the lessons we can learn from the stories has vastly improved since we last did this. I have so enjoyed the discussions, her interest and questions. I love watching as her thirst for more understanding and knowledge of the Bible and its meanings grow. Beyond that, I am ever so grateful for the children's team (staff and volunteers) at our church who have helped to encourage and inspire this learning all the more.
“You shall therefore impress these words of mine on your heart and on your soul; and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall teach them to your sons, talking of them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deuteronomy 11:18-19
June 4, 2015
Lord,
I have struggled with putting a prayer down "on paper" this day. Not because I cannot think of anything to talk with You about, but because my brain just does not want to cooperate. Daily storm fronts often means daily migraines for me and I just haven't been functioning well today because of one. My words are not coming together, but that is the great thing about talking with You. You know my thoughts before I do and even when I cannot put the words together in a cohesive or intelligent stream of thought, You still understand. You are not looking for eloquence and perfect delivery; honesty and regular communication are far more important.
Thank you Lord for listening to me even when it seems like I am only getting out half of a thought. Thank you for knowing my thoughts, concerns, fears, and joys, yet still wanting to hear from me.
"In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God." Romans 8:26-27
June 5, 2015
Fewer Headaches- For years and years, I didn't know and couldn't even imagine going through a day without a severe headache or migraine. Severe pain in my head was a constant and became my norm. It wasn't fun; it wasn't pleasant and it definitely affected my relationships, activities, functionality and productivity.
Moving to Colorado changed that for me. For the first time in well over a decade, I went days, even weeks without a migraine. Headaches and migraines, while still a regular part of my life, no longer held such sway on my days. Then this May happened. May was a wet month. Colorado Springs set an all time record high for precipitation in the month of May- at nearly four times the average monthly rainfall, but more significantly for me is not how much rain fell, but how often we had rainy days. This May, we had storm clouds and often some amount of rain almost every single day and with the constant fluctuation that comes with storm fronts, my migraines returned with a vengeance.
With the entrance of June, we saw some respite from the storms and I noticed that I had this sudden amount of energy. I felt so productive each day. I was doing special things with the girls (gardening, swimming ect), making good meals, running errands and had almost the entire house cleaned from top to bottom- all in a matter of just a few days. I was loving it.
The last few days though, the storms have returned and with them, my migraines. I was frustrated by the sudden limitations I felt, but today as I found myself doing little besides keeping the girls alive and making certain we all ate something thanks to a migraine which plagued me, I realized that I am feeling that frustration because migraines are no longer my norm, and that is one incredible praise!
"Now we have this treasure in clay jars, so that this extraordinary power may be from God and not from us." 2 Corinthians 4:7
June 6, 2015
Lord,
I do not like feeling limited or restricted by physical ailments, circumstances or anything else. The struggle with migraines has frustrated me over the years but they have been an amazing "teacher" as well.
Migraines have led to many doubts about my abilities as a wife and mother, a feeling of neediness and extreme dependence on others, and an inability to continue in aeas of service I have enjoyed over the years. Yet migraines have also led to discoveries of new areas of service, the ability to say "no", freedom from concerns on what others might think, moments of rest and silence, and a deep and abiding reliance on You.
Thank you for the migraines. I never thought I would say that, but I know that they slowed me down, highlighted my inability and need, and guided me to Your loving arms and competent hands. Thank you for Your constancy and faithfulness and the comfort found in knowing the Great Physician. May I never take for granted the "good days," the days without pain and on those days, may I never forget the lessons I have and continue to learn in my weakness.
"But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me. So I take pleasure in weaknesses, insults, catastrophes, persecutions, and in pressures, because of Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
Our Sweet Heart
June 1, 2015
Compassion- Over the last year, Naomi has had a couple of major struggles- consideration of and sharing with her little sister and a troubling- sometimes mean spirited- attitude. The strength and persistence of these issues has caused me many moments of worry and stress, but through all of those times, there is one attribute of Naomi that always reminds me of what I know is buried deep in her heart. Naomi's compassion for those who are in need is undeniable. When she hears of an opportunity for her or our family to help someone in need- people on street corners, kids in other countries, young families and babies in our community- her first thought is- "Let's help." So often she says what my heart is telling me but my mind is debating and she reminds me to think less and trust God more. Naomi is a sensitive, tender-hearted little girl who wants to help others- period, and it would take something earth-shattering to take that from her.
"'For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me.’
Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or without clothes and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and visit You?’
And the King will answer them, ‘I assure you: Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’" Matthew 25:35-40
June 2, 2015
Lord,
Having just written about Naomi, it seems only natural to spend some time in prayer for her as well. The more I get to know her, the more I love her. The more I know and love her, the more amazed I am that You would entrust her to someone like me. She is a precious child. Those moments when I get to glimpse her innermost heart, I am in awe of Your design and eager to see who she will become and how she will use it. She is also a challenging child. Most of the attributes that make her challenging now are things that in time and under control can become some of her greatest assets. Guiding her towards that point IS the challenge.
Deep down though, I know that it all comes down to her heart. A heart which I believe has so much good and kindness in it but which can often be overridden by compulsion and instinct. And so Lord, above all, I want to pray for Naomi's heart. There are so many things that this world can do to taint and misguide her heart. I pray that her heart will withstand all of the barbs thrown at it by Satan and will lead her towards You. Thus when things get rough and she cannot feel Your protection, she will know You are still there because You are true and You are good.
In the days ahead Lord, I pray that Naomi will not be swayed by the approval of man (or friends) but would above all seek to honor and please You. I pray that her steps and words would be Your truth salted with Your love. I pray that she would maintain her self-assurance temepered with humility and that in everything, her compassion would continue to keep her actively helping those in need. Help us to see how and where we can encourage and support her along this path as she becomes the young lady You created her to be and may love for You be the motivating force in the actions of each and every one of us.
Thank you Lord for being our heavenly Father, providing us with the perfect example of a loving parent.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4
Compassion- Over the last year, Naomi has had a couple of major struggles- consideration of and sharing with her little sister and a troubling- sometimes mean spirited- attitude. The strength and persistence of these issues has caused me many moments of worry and stress, but through all of those times, there is one attribute of Naomi that always reminds me of what I know is buried deep in her heart. Naomi's compassion for those who are in need is undeniable. When she hears of an opportunity for her or our family to help someone in need- people on street corners, kids in other countries, young families and babies in our community- her first thought is- "Let's help." So often she says what my heart is telling me but my mind is debating and she reminds me to think less and trust God more. Naomi is a sensitive, tender-hearted little girl who wants to help others- period, and it would take something earth-shattering to take that from her.
"'For I was hungry and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in; I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you took care of Me; I was in prison and you visited Me.’
Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You something to drink? When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or without clothes and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and visit You?’
And the King will answer them, ‘I assure you: Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of Mine, you did for Me.’" Matthew 25:35-40
June 2, 2015
Lord,
Having just written about Naomi, it seems only natural to spend some time in prayer for her as well. The more I get to know her, the more I love her. The more I know and love her, the more amazed I am that You would entrust her to someone like me. She is a precious child. Those moments when I get to glimpse her innermost heart, I am in awe of Your design and eager to see who she will become and how she will use it. She is also a challenging child. Most of the attributes that make her challenging now are things that in time and under control can become some of her greatest assets. Guiding her towards that point IS the challenge.
Deep down though, I know that it all comes down to her heart. A heart which I believe has so much good and kindness in it but which can often be overridden by compulsion and instinct. And so Lord, above all, I want to pray for Naomi's heart. There are so many things that this world can do to taint and misguide her heart. I pray that her heart will withstand all of the barbs thrown at it by Satan and will lead her towards You. Thus when things get rough and she cannot feel Your protection, she will know You are still there because You are true and You are good.
In the days ahead Lord, I pray that Naomi will not be swayed by the approval of man (or friends) but would above all seek to honor and please You. I pray that her steps and words would be Your truth salted with Your love. I pray that she would maintain her self-assurance temepered with humility and that in everything, her compassion would continue to keep her actively helping those in need. Help us to see how and where we can encourage and support her along this path as she becomes the young lady You created her to be and may love for You be the motivating force in the actions of each and every one of us.
Thank you Lord for being our heavenly Father, providing us with the perfect example of a loving parent.
"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Prayer and Praise
One year ago, Drew left for Afghanistan. Nearly six months ago, he returned home. We have thoroughly enjoyed our time as a family since then. But as is often the case, time and routine have worn down the shine of reunion and I have allowed the same to inundate me with busyness and tasks. In the process, I have allowed more important parts of my life to slack and it is time that I amend that. So I am going to do my best to get back to basics, to those things which I have found have had the most profound impact on my thoughts, attitude and actions- prayer and praise! It is not necessarily the acts themselves that impact me the most but the reminder of the bigger picture. For when I am on my knees before the Almighty or am praising and thanking God for His providence and all the good He has made and done, little irritations, minor inconveniences, personal insults, failings and pride fall to the wayside.
May 30, 2015
Our Neighbors- They have been so wonderful in so many ways and today was another reminder of that. As I struggled to try to get our push mower to start so I could mow the front yard (something that usually is achieved easily), the neighbor's son came out to mow their yard. He saw me struggle and just as I decided to take a break on that and focus on the back yard, he offered to mow our yard at the same time as theirs. If that wasn't enough- as I pushed our mower back towards our storage shed, he asked if I would like him to mow our back yard as well. This may not seem like a huge offer, but our back yard is not your typical mid-town yard. We live on nearly half an acre of land and it takes me a solid two hours to mow the back yard on a riding mower- not including edging ect. I ended up mowing the back yard myself as I had the means and do enjoy mowing, but the offer was so generous and so greatly appreciated.
"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17
May 31, 2015
Lord,
I have a friend who is hurting this night. You know who and You know why. You also can be present and comfort them in a way that I cannot. Please do so. I cannot imagine their pain right now, their sense of loss but You can and do. This I know and this I trust. I know You are with them now and I pray that they will feel Your presence and are able to rely on Your strength and comfort in the days ahead. Guide my friend, Lord and lead them to quiet waters.
Thank you Lord for the assurance that we, as believers, have in Your presence, Your providence and Your eternal plan when the direction our finite lives take seems to have been turned on its head. Thank you for experiencing this life and being personally and intimately aware what it feels like to lose a loved one, face betrayal, experience temptation, laugh and cry. Thank you for not only creating and setting this world in motion but choosing to be involved and concerned with our individual needs and our eternity.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
May 30, 2015
Our Neighbors- They have been so wonderful in so many ways and today was another reminder of that. As I struggled to try to get our push mower to start so I could mow the front yard (something that usually is achieved easily), the neighbor's son came out to mow their yard. He saw me struggle and just as I decided to take a break on that and focus on the back yard, he offered to mow our yard at the same time as theirs. If that wasn't enough- as I pushed our mower back towards our storage shed, he asked if I would like him to mow our back yard as well. This may not seem like a huge offer, but our back yard is not your typical mid-town yard. We live on nearly half an acre of land and it takes me a solid two hours to mow the back yard on a riding mower- not including edging ect. I ended up mowing the back yard myself as I had the means and do enjoy mowing, but the offer was so generous and so greatly appreciated.
"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17
May 31, 2015
Lord,
I have a friend who is hurting this night. You know who and You know why. You also can be present and comfort them in a way that I cannot. Please do so. I cannot imagine their pain right now, their sense of loss but You can and do. This I know and this I trust. I know You are with them now and I pray that they will feel Your presence and are able to rely on Your strength and comfort in the days ahead. Guide my friend, Lord and lead them to quiet waters.
Thank you Lord for the assurance that we, as believers, have in Your presence, Your providence and Your eternal plan when the direction our finite lives take seems to have been turned on its head. Thank you for experiencing this life and being personally and intimately aware what it feels like to lose a loved one, face betrayal, experience temptation, laugh and cry. Thank you for not only creating and setting this world in motion but choosing to be involved and concerned with our individual needs and our eternity.
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For just as the sufferings of Christ are ours in abundance, so also our comfort is abundant through Christ." 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
Saturday, April 4, 2015
In the Silence of Saturday
Saturday..... the day between Good Friday and Resurrection Sunday. What happened in the silence of this day?
We know that Jesus was taken down from the cross and placed in a borrowed tomb before sunset. We know that a guard was placed outside that same tomb. And we know that when the women arrived on Sunday morning, Jesus was no longer in the tomb.
However what happened with Jesus in the time between the guards and the women is less known. I've read various opinions and scholarly discussions concerning this time. And while the conclusions don't always match up, one thing remains constant: Jesus Christ was dead. Both the Apostles and Christ Himself testify to this within Scripture.
"This man was handed over to you by God’s deliberate plan and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him." Acts 2:23-24
"When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades." Revelation 1:17-18
I may not know, and I have a hard time even trying to imagine, where Christ was or what Christ was doing on this day, but I can imagine what Satan may have been doing. Satan- a being known for his pride which led to his fall and for his lies. How would Satan view this day? Could he see that there was more to come or was he blinded by his own arrogance and audacity? Did he recognize that this was the fulfillment of Genesis 3:15 "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”? Did he know that this action, which seemed so final and so destructive, was nothing more than a wound on Christ's heel? I can't answer those questions, but because of his pride, I still always imagine the same response from him when I consider this day.
Have you ever seen a rooster in the barnyard, all puffed out, crowing and strutting around? That is how I imagine Satan on this Saturday. On the day when Jesus' disciples locked themselves away in a room, preparing for Jesus' final burial treatment, I envision Satan strutting around in all his pride and audacity proclaiming his victory. The son of God was dead. Whether he thought he had achieved the ultimate victory or if he was already aware that God was working in the background, I don't know. Still I imagine he was thrilled with the current state of things. Big or small, this was his victory.
But was it?
God may have seemed silent when viewed through our mortal eyes, but God was not dead and His plan was not thwarted. Because Jesus didn't stand before Pilate, die on a cross or lay in a tomb because of any machinations of Satan. No, Jesus did everything because of the will and plan of God. And this "silence", this waiting was part of that plan as well.
So though it seemed as if God was silent and all was grim, never forget that Sunday is still coming.
We know that Jesus was taken down from the cross and placed in a borrowed tomb before sunset. We know that a guard was placed outside that same tomb. And we know that when the women arrived on Sunday morning, Jesus was no longer in the tomb.
However what happened with Jesus in the time between the guards and the women is less known. I've read various opinions and scholarly discussions concerning this time. And while the conclusions don't always match up, one thing remains constant: Jesus Christ was dead. Both the Apostles and Christ Himself testify to this within Scripture.
"This man was handed over to you by God’s deliberate plan and foreknowledge; and you, with the help of wicked men, put him to death by nailing him to the cross. But God raised him from the dead, freeing him from the agony of death, because it was impossible for death to keep its hold on him." Acts 2:23-24
"When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: “Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades." Revelation 1:17-18
I may not know, and I have a hard time even trying to imagine, where Christ was or what Christ was doing on this day, but I can imagine what Satan may have been doing. Satan- a being known for his pride which led to his fall and for his lies. How would Satan view this day? Could he see that there was more to come or was he blinded by his own arrogance and audacity? Did he recognize that this was the fulfillment of Genesis 3:15 "And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.”? Did he know that this action, which seemed so final and so destructive, was nothing more than a wound on Christ's heel? I can't answer those questions, but because of his pride, I still always imagine the same response from him when I consider this day.
Have you ever seen a rooster in the barnyard, all puffed out, crowing and strutting around? That is how I imagine Satan on this Saturday. On the day when Jesus' disciples locked themselves away in a room, preparing for Jesus' final burial treatment, I envision Satan strutting around in all his pride and audacity proclaiming his victory. The son of God was dead. Whether he thought he had achieved the ultimate victory or if he was already aware that God was working in the background, I don't know. Still I imagine he was thrilled with the current state of things. Big or small, this was his victory.
But was it?
God may have seemed silent when viewed through our mortal eyes, but God was not dead and His plan was not thwarted. Because Jesus didn't stand before Pilate, die on a cross or lay in a tomb because of any machinations of Satan. No, Jesus did everything because of the will and plan of God. And this "silence", this waiting was part of that plan as well.
So though it seemed as if God was silent and all was grim, never forget that Sunday is still coming.
Friday, April 3, 2015
Good Friday?
Sometimes I struggle with the term Good Friday. I understand that the response of God which we celebrate on this day is good- beyond good, but I cannot think about the events of Good Friday without thinking about the original why. I cannot think about the events of Good Friday without recognizing and mourning my own complicity in it all.
I just read a post where someone referred to today as a Black Friday and sometimes that is more how I view this day. So maybe sometimes Good Friday feels a bit like Black Friday and I'm okay with that. I'm forgiven and I know I no longer must bear the guilt for my poor choices and sins, yet I never want to forget my role on this day.
-Jesus was betrayed by His creation and His people in order to open the way between us and God.
"He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. ... By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished." Isaiah 53:3,8
-Jesus bore the crown of thorns and stripes on His back so I wouldn't need to.
"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted." Isaiah 53:4
-Jesus went to the cross to make restitution for my sins.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:5-6
A Black Friday because everything that happened should have been mine to bear.
Yet the only Black Friday where we all can get exactly what we need and everything we could ever want at the greatest price ever- FREE. Jesus faced it all for me. Jesus faced it all for you. Whether you or I acknowledge who He is and what He has done, He still did this for each of us. That's grace. That's love. That's what makes a Black Friday Good Friday as well.
And we cannot forget whether you find yourself mourning your role or glorying in God's forgiveness and grace, either way- we know that Sunday is coming and there is no question regarding the victory of that day!
I just read a post where someone referred to today as a Black Friday and sometimes that is more how I view this day. So maybe sometimes Good Friday feels a bit like Black Friday and I'm okay with that. I'm forgiven and I know I no longer must bear the guilt for my poor choices and sins, yet I never want to forget my role on this day.
-Jesus was betrayed by His creation and His people in order to open the way between us and God.
"He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain. Like one from whom people hide their faces he was despised, and we held him in low esteem. ... By oppression and judgment he was taken away. Yet who of his generation protested? For he was cut off from the land of the living; for the transgression of my people he was punished." Isaiah 53:3,8
-Jesus bore the crown of thorns and stripes on His back so I wouldn't need to.
"Surely he took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted." Isaiah 53:4
-Jesus went to the cross to make restitution for my sins.
"But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed. We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:5-6
A Black Friday because everything that happened should have been mine to bear.
Yet the only Black Friday where we all can get exactly what we need and everything we could ever want at the greatest price ever- FREE. Jesus faced it all for me. Jesus faced it all for you. Whether you or I acknowledge who He is and what He has done, He still did this for each of us. That's grace. That's love. That's what makes a Black Friday Good Friday as well.
And we cannot forget whether you find yourself mourning your role or glorying in God's forgiveness and grace, either way- we know that Sunday is coming and there is no question regarding the victory of that day!
Thursday, March 19, 2015
The Power to Choose
This Monday I had a situation presented to me which left me with, what felt like, a pretty big decision. I spent a day or two considering the different aspects of my choices and considering possible ramifications for each. I spoke with Drew and another good friend. I asked a few to pray for my decision and I did the same. For three days, I went round and round about this choice. Throughout the process, I felt stress and was often left distracted. Yet once I made my decision and shared it, what peace!
Interestingly though, I had peace despite coming to a conclusion that was not what I or those closest to me might have expected. Yet I had peace because I knew that if and when the day came when I questioned the choice, I would recover easier and more quickly because it had been my choice.
There's power in having the choice; there's responsibility with it as well.
But what about those times when it feels as though the choice has been taken away from us? When the doctor gives you news you never expected and couldn't have changed even if you had some foreknowledge? When a job ends or requires you to relocate? When a child is born with a disability or major illness? When your spouse changes- and not in a way you particularly care for?
Now consider another reality- what if fate really was completely in control and nothing you did or chose would really have any affect on the final outcomes? I know I've personally seen more than one or two shows/movies that have depicted just this idea- following two separate realities based on making a different choice only to have the outcome remain exactly the same. I guess that takes the stress and worry out of decision making. However it also takes away the power and from what I have seen, people like having the power to choose.
Got me wondering why and I was taken back to what I have recently begun to see as one of the greatest gifts to humanity- the gift of choice.
Imagine you are the all-powerful, supreme being who has created other living creatures. As the creator you desire to know your creation and to be known by them. You want to have a true relationship with them- not one based solely on fear and submission as their ruler or creator.
Now imagine you are creating the world they will live in and giving it the laws that will govern every aspect of that world and their lives.
Imagine that you are not only all-powerful but also all-knowing, so even at the creation of the first being you already knew everything about him and all his descendents, their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and failings. And because of this knowledge, you know that giving your creation the power of choice will mean allowing many, possibly even most, of them to defy, deny and discredit you.
In that scenario, would you want to give your creation the power of choice knowing full well that it means giving your creation the ability to not fulfill your greatest desire for them, a part of why they were created?
I can tell you this. This woman, with her severely limited comparison through motherhood, who is obviously far less benevolent would not. Why would I- all-powerful, all-knowing, supreme- why would I do that to myself when I get to call the shots?
And that's what makes it such an incredible gift. God gave us the power of choice- despite knowing the ultimate outcome- because of His great love and benevolence. You may not think about that when you are weighing the merits of your choices or celebrating a well made decision, but there is something in us that loves the fact that we can choose. And there's something in me that can't help but thank God every time I find myself going round and round about a decision. God didn't have to, and given many of the choices I've made, it would have been much easier if He hadn't- yet still He did. And He did so, knowing that one day it would require an even greater sacrifice on His part......His greatest gift.
Interestingly though, I had peace despite coming to a conclusion that was not what I or those closest to me might have expected. Yet I had peace because I knew that if and when the day came when I questioned the choice, I would recover easier and more quickly because it had been my choice.
There's power in having the choice; there's responsibility with it as well.
But what about those times when it feels as though the choice has been taken away from us? When the doctor gives you news you never expected and couldn't have changed even if you had some foreknowledge? When a job ends or requires you to relocate? When a child is born with a disability or major illness? When your spouse changes- and not in a way you particularly care for?
Now consider another reality- what if fate really was completely in control and nothing you did or chose would really have any affect on the final outcomes? I know I've personally seen more than one or two shows/movies that have depicted just this idea- following two separate realities based on making a different choice only to have the outcome remain exactly the same. I guess that takes the stress and worry out of decision making. However it also takes away the power and from what I have seen, people like having the power to choose.
Got me wondering why and I was taken back to what I have recently begun to see as one of the greatest gifts to humanity- the gift of choice.
Imagine you are the all-powerful, supreme being who has created other living creatures. As the creator you desire to know your creation and to be known by them. You want to have a true relationship with them- not one based solely on fear and submission as their ruler or creator.
Now imagine you are creating the world they will live in and giving it the laws that will govern every aspect of that world and their lives.
Imagine that you are not only all-powerful but also all-knowing, so even at the creation of the first being you already knew everything about him and all his descendents, their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and failings. And because of this knowledge, you know that giving your creation the power of choice will mean allowing many, possibly even most, of them to defy, deny and discredit you.
In that scenario, would you want to give your creation the power of choice knowing full well that it means giving your creation the ability to not fulfill your greatest desire for them, a part of why they were created?
I can tell you this. This woman, with her severely limited comparison through motherhood, who is obviously far less benevolent would not. Why would I- all-powerful, all-knowing, supreme- why would I do that to myself when I get to call the shots?
And that's what makes it such an incredible gift. God gave us the power of choice- despite knowing the ultimate outcome- because of His great love and benevolence. You may not think about that when you are weighing the merits of your choices or celebrating a well made decision, but there is something in us that loves the fact that we can choose. And there's something in me that can't help but thank God every time I find myself going round and round about a decision. God didn't have to, and given many of the choices I've made, it would have been much easier if He hadn't- yet still He did. And He did so, knowing that one day it would require an even greater sacrifice on His part......His greatest gift.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Oops, I Did It Again
Maybe you loved the song or maybe you cringe as you read the title because of the song, but right now, it feels like a fitting description for me.
For the last week, our two sweet little girls have been on fire. Attitudes, bickering, selfishness, demanding, picking, and arguing are just the beginnings of what has been happening in our home. And while much of it has been directed at each other, one in particular has also directed it at Drew and I. Leading up to this morning, I realized just how much it was wearing on me and I prayed that the Lord would give me the control of emotions and wisdom to best handle each and every situation as it arose. Of course, this morning, the girls were in particularly good form. A morning which started with a great sense of peace and control slowly erroded under me as the girls wore down on my every nerve.
As I prepared their lunches (only a few hours after getting up), I was spent. I just wanted a break, a little time away from the two of them and all that was going on with them. Peace, quiet and time for me... a place to get away from the voices that can carry through the house. How much was I really asking for? So while I stood there with their lunch plates, I found myself listing off the things I wanted away from- the selfishness, the demands, the whining and the constant need to be on my toes to address each. And as I listed off these issues, a thought came to the forefront that silenced all my complaining- because really, that's what I was doing, wasn't it?
How many times have I spent my days whining, bickering, arguing and demanding things from God, the almighty, all-powerful Creator of this whole universe? And when I do (take this morning perhaps), has He ever called it quits or decided to just take a break from me?
No, the Lord is faithful, incredibly patient and loving with me.
As the title intimates, I know I've been in this position before. I have felt the way I felt this morning far more than I would ever wish to admit. I have also had the Lord remind me that He has stuck through it with me; He has been patient and loving even when I am not. Even when I question or forge ahead, fight His leading or ignore His nudges, He still works on me and can work through me. And on those days when I just don't feel able, He shows me that through Him, so much can be accomplished.
Yet still, I find myself back here.
It's the sad story of me but the amazing and incredible story of God and His love.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you. Thank you for not leaving me to wallow. Thank you for sticking with me as I complain and whine or argue over Your guidance. For if you were affected by me the way I am often affected by our girls, You would have thrown in the towel long before. Instead You have patiently reminded me time and again that there is a better way and that the work laid before me is not only God-given but can be God-led. May it be so, Lord. May it be so.
For the last week, our two sweet little girls have been on fire. Attitudes, bickering, selfishness, demanding, picking, and arguing are just the beginnings of what has been happening in our home. And while much of it has been directed at each other, one in particular has also directed it at Drew and I. Leading up to this morning, I realized just how much it was wearing on me and I prayed that the Lord would give me the control of emotions and wisdom to best handle each and every situation as it arose. Of course, this morning, the girls were in particularly good form. A morning which started with a great sense of peace and control slowly erroded under me as the girls wore down on my every nerve.
As I prepared their lunches (only a few hours after getting up), I was spent. I just wanted a break, a little time away from the two of them and all that was going on with them. Peace, quiet and time for me... a place to get away from the voices that can carry through the house. How much was I really asking for? So while I stood there with their lunch plates, I found myself listing off the things I wanted away from- the selfishness, the demands, the whining and the constant need to be on my toes to address each. And as I listed off these issues, a thought came to the forefront that silenced all my complaining- because really, that's what I was doing, wasn't it?
How many times have I spent my days whining, bickering, arguing and demanding things from God, the almighty, all-powerful Creator of this whole universe? And when I do (take this morning perhaps), has He ever called it quits or decided to just take a break from me?
No, the Lord is faithful, incredibly patient and loving with me.
As the title intimates, I know I've been in this position before. I have felt the way I felt this morning far more than I would ever wish to admit. I have also had the Lord remind me that He has stuck through it with me; He has been patient and loving even when I am not. Even when I question or forge ahead, fight His leading or ignore His nudges, He still works on me and can work through me. And on those days when I just don't feel able, He shows me that through Him, so much can be accomplished.
Yet still, I find myself back here.
It's the sad story of me but the amazing and incredible story of God and His love.
Heavenly Father,
Thank you. Thank you for not leaving me to wallow. Thank you for sticking with me as I complain and whine or argue over Your guidance. For if you were affected by me the way I am often affected by our girls, You would have thrown in the towel long before. Instead You have patiently reminded me time and again that there is a better way and that the work laid before me is not only God-given but can be God-led. May it be so, Lord. May it be so.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Girls, Please Don't Settle
This weekend is Valentine's Day and with it, romance movies are hitting the box office. This year in particular, one movie has been getting lots of attention- some are fawning over its release and others are speaking out against it. I don't really want to discuss the content of the movie or the books it is based upon, but as I have read reviews of the books and comments made by ladies on both sides of the aisle, I have realized that a great deal of women have come to idolize the lead male, Christian Grey, and view him as the epitome of a male. The more I have found out about this character, the more I felt like yelling from the rooftops, "Girls, please don't settle for this kind of man or this kind of love. There is so much better out there and each and every one of you deserve the real thing."
From the comments I've read, women admire the Christian Grey character because he is confident, knows what he wants, communicates and goes after the same, is "protective/concerned" and is "capable of change" through the unfailing love of the woman. He is also said to be quite handsome and wealthy, which certainly doesn't hurt his case. (Items in quotes are areas of great dispute, depending on how you interpret his actions and words.) Yet, from the excerpts which I have read, Christian Grey's qualities are completely self-serving.
Now for a real world example, and lucky for me, it's my husband. I regularly tell him, and often tell others, that he is a "good man." Often I feel the phrase seems too simple and understated to truly express all that I mean, yet that is exactly what he is- a good man. I am blessed to have a husband who is self-assured and confident, aware of what he needs and wants, a great communicator, a provider and a protector, compassionate and concerned, and filled with great love. While initially the lists between the two seem rather similar, there is one enormous difference between my husband and Christian Grey. My husband does none of these things out of selfishness, and this one difference affects every other attribute I mentioned.
His love is matched by his respect.
His awareness of his needs and wants is matched by his desire to know and meet my own.
He communicates so that we can better understand each other.
He provides and protects me because he cherishes me and finds great value and worth in me.
His concern and love are not self-serving but are sacrificial.
This is the picture of a good man. This is a picture of a real love story.
As I write the next lines, I think specifically of our daughters, who will grow up in a world where Christian Grey has always been, but also for any young lady or woman who desires true love.
Girls, let me tell you now- please don't settle for this sad, empty picture of love that media is glorifying. You are worth far more and are more precious than any and all the jewels in the world. You were created in the image of the Almighty God. He knew you before any of us even knew you would be. And after giving you the freedom to choose, He pursues with with an endless love. He offers forgiveness and grace when you fail and provides comfort and peace when the days seems dark. Because of Him, you have a deep and abiding value and worth that no one in this world can take away. And because of that, whether you find a man to spend the rest of your earthly life with or not, you already have the opportunity to be a part of the greatest love story ever. Don't settle for the paltry affections of men such as Christian Grey. Don't believe the lies of Satan which tell you it is love. And should someday you meet a man and wish to marry him, I pray here and now that he will be a good man- not as the world would define a good man but as God has ordained a good man to be.
Lord,
I pray for our girls as they grow. We know the world will tell them many things about love, their value and worth and the type of man they should desire. We pray Lord that they would look to You for the truth and that in You and Your love, the answers would become evident.
And I thank you Lord for the good men in my life- my grandfathers, Dad and husband. Men who exemplify love, respect, honor, commitment and devotion and have lived out stories of true love in their own lives.
From the comments I've read, women admire the Christian Grey character because he is confident, knows what he wants, communicates and goes after the same, is "protective/concerned" and is "capable of change" through the unfailing love of the woman. He is also said to be quite handsome and wealthy, which certainly doesn't hurt his case. (Items in quotes are areas of great dispute, depending on how you interpret his actions and words.) Yet, from the excerpts which I have read, Christian Grey's qualities are completely self-serving.
Now for a real world example, and lucky for me, it's my husband. I regularly tell him, and often tell others, that he is a "good man." Often I feel the phrase seems too simple and understated to truly express all that I mean, yet that is exactly what he is- a good man. I am blessed to have a husband who is self-assured and confident, aware of what he needs and wants, a great communicator, a provider and a protector, compassionate and concerned, and filled with great love. While initially the lists between the two seem rather similar, there is one enormous difference between my husband and Christian Grey. My husband does none of these things out of selfishness, and this one difference affects every other attribute I mentioned.
His love is matched by his respect.
His awareness of his needs and wants is matched by his desire to know and meet my own.
He communicates so that we can better understand each other.
He provides and protects me because he cherishes me and finds great value and worth in me.
His concern and love are not self-serving but are sacrificial.
This is the picture of a good man. This is a picture of a real love story.
As I write the next lines, I think specifically of our daughters, who will grow up in a world where Christian Grey has always been, but also for any young lady or woman who desires true love.
Girls, let me tell you now- please don't settle for this sad, empty picture of love that media is glorifying. You are worth far more and are more precious than any and all the jewels in the world. You were created in the image of the Almighty God. He knew you before any of us even knew you would be. And after giving you the freedom to choose, He pursues with with an endless love. He offers forgiveness and grace when you fail and provides comfort and peace when the days seems dark. Because of Him, you have a deep and abiding value and worth that no one in this world can take away. And because of that, whether you find a man to spend the rest of your earthly life with or not, you already have the opportunity to be a part of the greatest love story ever. Don't settle for the paltry affections of men such as Christian Grey. Don't believe the lies of Satan which tell you it is love. And should someday you meet a man and wish to marry him, I pray here and now that he will be a good man- not as the world would define a good man but as God has ordained a good man to be.
Lord,
I pray for our girls as they grow. We know the world will tell them many things about love, their value and worth and the type of man they should desire. We pray Lord that they would look to You for the truth and that in You and Your love, the answers would become evident.
And I thank you Lord for the good men in my life- my grandfathers, Dad and husband. Men who exemplify love, respect, honor, commitment and devotion and have lived out stories of true love in their own lives.
Wednesday, February 4, 2015
Enjoy the Journey
A few weeks back, people were asked to call into a radio station to which we listen and share advice from their parents that had stuck with them and affected their life. I heard a few grown children share their memories and began to think of my own. There is one phrase that really comes to mind. It is something I heard from both my Mom and my Dad and it is something that they had to remind me over and over again- even into my adult years.
So as I look ahead, preparing for tomorrow and on to the next phase in my life and my family's, I will live in joy while on this journey, knowing I can trust Him who is faithful to guide me in and through each celebration and sorrow, each sprint and stumble and every other step along the way.
"Enjoy the journey,"
and always following right after was this Bible verse,
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6
I heard this when I went off to college, when I stressed over grades or boys, when I graduated, when I worked two minimum wage jobs and still barely squeaked by, when Drew and I were engaged, when we married, when we announced we were pregnant, when I complained about the Army life, when friends seemed scarce, with each move we made and when news of deployment became a reality.
It sounds like a simple thing and there were times, when I was simply being told to "take a breath, relax and let go" of all the little details that were weighing me down. However over the years, it has really settled in and as I look at the words now, I know it holds so much more weight than simply, "breath, relax, release."
Enjoy- My parents never told me to go and be happy, and I'll be honest- I would be shocked if they had. More than that, I'm glad and ever so grateful that happiness was never their wish for me. No, my parents never mentioned happiness; instead they told me to "enjoy." There are many times in life when I am not pleased or happy about my circumstances- when I feel the burden, struggles and pain of this life pressing down upon me with the weight of world. Instead of encouraging me to seek out happiness, my parents took those times of unhappiness to remind me- both verbally and through memories- to enjoy. Lately I have thought of it as "living in joy," and for me, joy is not something that is dependent upon my emotions or my circumstances. Joy is dependent on Christ- His love, His grace, His faithfulness- and who I am in His eyes. No matter what I face, I can enjoy life because I am a child of God and He is my Heavenly Father; I am a failure on my own but I am a victor through Christ.
It sounds like a simple thing and there were times, when I was simply being told to "take a breath, relax and let go" of all the little details that were weighing me down. However over the years, it has really settled in and as I look at the words now, I know it holds so much more weight than simply, "breath, relax, release."
Enjoy- My parents never told me to go and be happy, and I'll be honest- I would be shocked if they had. More than that, I'm glad and ever so grateful that happiness was never their wish for me. No, my parents never mentioned happiness; instead they told me to "enjoy." There are many times in life when I am not pleased or happy about my circumstances- when I feel the burden, struggles and pain of this life pressing down upon me with the weight of world. Instead of encouraging me to seek out happiness, my parents took those times of unhappiness to remind me- both verbally and through memories- to enjoy. Lately I have thought of it as "living in joy," and for me, joy is not something that is dependent upon my emotions or my circumstances. Joy is dependent on Christ- His love, His grace, His faithfulness- and who I am in His eyes. No matter what I face, I can enjoy life because I am a child of God and He is my Heavenly Father; I am a failure on my own but I am a victor through Christ.
The Journey- We walk through this life with many roads and destinations to reach, but it is often in those mundane moments of everyday, the small choices, that some of our greatest acts and lasting impressions are made. The special events are sweet and such a treat, but my life is carried out each day- in our morning routine, the making of meals, the washing of dishes, the cleaning and errands, the silly songs and serious talks, the full days and the quiet evenings- and in each of those moments, I am given the chance to choose joy and share of myself. The tasks may seem trivial but the work and the walk can often hold the deepest joy and the most meaningful moments.
Proverbs 3:5-6- Of course, I can hardly consider the phrase "Enjoy the Journey" without thinking of Proverbs 3:5-6 and for me, that is only fitting. For how can I enjoy this often crazy, unpredictable, chaotic road I am on, if not for the trust I have in the One who I have asked to guide my feet? My own feet, when led by my own understanding, have often taken me into tough, painful, and even shameful situations, but it is God who has led me through and out of them to a place of peace and rest.
So as I look ahead, preparing for tomorrow and on to the next phase in my life and my family's, I will live in joy while on this journey, knowing I can trust Him who is faithful to guide me in and through each celebration and sorrow, each sprint and stumble and every other step along the way.
Friday, January 16, 2015
One Month Later
One month ago- almost to the hour (as I write this), Drew placed his feet on Colorado soil once again.
Overall the month has been amazingly smooth. I have told more than one person (and heard from Drew that he feels likewise) that it feels as though we are picking up right where things were left in May. The months between and the struggles we faced are quickly fading as we relish being together again. The last month has not been perfect, but under the circumstances I couldn't have asked for anything more. Though there have been a few misunderstandings and banged elbows as we adjust to sharing our time and space, they haven't been anything worse than what any married couple might experience at any given time.
The girls have delighted in all the time with Daddy, as he has been on leave for most of the last month. Naomi has been thrilled that Daddy could take her to and pick her up from school, that she could show him her classroom and introduce him to her teachers and that he was able to go to her Christmas class party. For Noelle, things have been simpler (as is often the case when you are only two). She and Daddy have enjoyed much time playing pretend, reading books and building with blocks. Of course both girls also have had to adjust because Drew is still Daddy and not just their buddy, but we have made it through that initial shock and struggle and things are leveling out for them there as well.
There have been so many moments that just cause me to pause and give thanks to God. Moments like this:
Moments that cause me to stop and just look at him, watch him, my heart swelling with happiness and love. Even as I write this, I can't help but pause to consider him again and as I do, tears of joy and gratitude come to my eyes. God has granted us more time together- for which I am forever grateful. He has granted us a wonderful, solid marriage and a beautiful family life. He has given us strength for today, courage for tomorrow and hope for all eternity.
Overall the month has been amazingly smooth. I have told more than one person (and heard from Drew that he feels likewise) that it feels as though we are picking up right where things were left in May. The months between and the struggles we faced are quickly fading as we relish being together again. The last month has not been perfect, but under the circumstances I couldn't have asked for anything more. Though there have been a few misunderstandings and banged elbows as we adjust to sharing our time and space, they haven't been anything worse than what any married couple might experience at any given time.
The girls have delighted in all the time with Daddy, as he has been on leave for most of the last month. Naomi has been thrilled that Daddy could take her to and pick her up from school, that she could show him her classroom and introduce him to her teachers and that he was able to go to her Christmas class party. For Noelle, things have been simpler (as is often the case when you are only two). She and Daddy have enjoyed much time playing pretend, reading books and building with blocks. Of course both girls also have had to adjust because Drew is still Daddy and not just their buddy, but we have made it through that initial shock and struggle and things are leveling out for them there as well.
There have been so many moments that just cause me to pause and give thanks to God. Moments like this:
Moments that cause me to stop and just look at him, watch him, my heart swelling with happiness and love. Even as I write this, I can't help but pause to consider him again and as I do, tears of joy and gratitude come to my eyes. God has granted us more time together- for which I am forever grateful. He has granted us a wonderful, solid marriage and a beautiful family life. He has given us strength for today, courage for tomorrow and hope for all eternity.
What a wonderful month it has been!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Beautiful Footprints
One year ago tomorrow, a dear and precious woman left this world for her eternal home. I was blessed to have known her, to have sat at her feet watching and learning, and I was honored to call her Grandma.
Last year I spent weeks trying to find the right words to express all that I felt about Grandma and her passing. No matter how many times I sat down, I never felt the words fully expressed what I was thinking and nothing definite came of it.
Yet every time I sat down and tried to put pen to paper, there was one memory that always came back to me. I would have been younger- probably in my pre-teen years. I remember sitting beside her during a worship service at a NACC convention. During the service, I remember listening to her while she sang two songs: “Give Thanks,” and “Find Us Faithful.” (I'll be honest, this may be two separate memories that have merged into one event, but either way, I remember sitting next to Grandma during both of these songs.)
For me, both of these songs will be forever tied to Grandma- both because of the memory and because of how well she exemplified their messages.
Give Thanks
“Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son
And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.”
Grandma’s gratitude and devotion to God as well as her care for those who were weak or poor were undeniable.
Find Us Faithful
“We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful”
Without a doubt, Grandma has left behind some beautiful footprints- footprints that tell of her faithfulness, her devotion and service to God and the undeniable love she had for all.
Sitting next to Grandma, listening as she sang praises to her Lord and Savior- I can't think of a better memory for Grandma, and I look forward to the day when we will once again stand together, worshiping our Lord and Savior and the God of all that has been created.
 |
| My Grandma and Grandpa Griner- celebrating 60 years of marriage |
Last year I spent weeks trying to find the right words to express all that I felt about Grandma and her passing. No matter how many times I sat down, I never felt the words fully expressed what I was thinking and nothing definite came of it.
Yet every time I sat down and tried to put pen to paper, there was one memory that always came back to me. I would have been younger- probably in my pre-teen years. I remember sitting beside her during a worship service at a NACC convention. During the service, I remember listening to her while she sang two songs: “Give Thanks,” and “Find Us Faithful.” (I'll be honest, this may be two separate memories that have merged into one event, but either way, I remember sitting next to Grandma during both of these songs.)
For me, both of these songs will be forever tied to Grandma- both because of the memory and because of how well she exemplified their messages.
Give Thanks
“Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son
And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.”
Grandma’s gratitude and devotion to God as well as her care for those who were weak or poor were undeniable.
Find Us Faithful
“We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace
Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives
After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey
Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful”
Without a doubt, Grandma has left behind some beautiful footprints- footprints that tell of her faithfulness, her devotion and service to God and the undeniable love she had for all.
Sitting next to Grandma, listening as she sang praises to her Lord and Savior- I can't think of a better memory for Grandma, and I look forward to the day when we will once again stand together, worshiping our Lord and Savior and the God of all that has been created.
Friday, January 2, 2015
This I Know
Planning ahead typically eases my stress,
But there are times, you need to take it one moment at a time.
.JPG) |
| Going home! |
Feeling alone is a choice I make;
God has given me His body for support and encouragement, guidance and love.
 |
| First morning home |
Independence is lauded as a sign of strength;
Relying on God is the only true source of strength.
 |
| Helping Naomi with her reading homework |
Happiness isn't always possible;
Contentment and joy are always a choice.
 |
| Drawing a picture with Noelle |
The world may only see two in my marriage, but it was always made for three-
Drew, myself and God above.
 |
| My love and I |
Life is hard; God is my refuge.
Life can hurt; God is my joy.
Life has its share of sorrows and fears; God is my peace.
Life also has it share of joys; God be praised!
 |
| Our first photo as a family of four in seven months! |
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