Separation

This separation from Drew is painful and no amount of time lessens the ache. It can still hit me like a freight train at just a moments' notice, and despite all that I say and do to help the girls with their own loss and pain, there are times when I cannot seem to take my own advice. That is where I found myself last night. For 161 days, we have relied on texts, emails, packages and video chats to help stay connected. And while I am grateful that we live in a time and place where this is even possible, I also have moments when I admit that video chatting isn't enough because all I really want, all the girls want, is Drew and nothing really makes up for that. In acknowledging that truth, my heart broke and  I wept for the time we've already been apart and the time still to go.

This morning as church service began, I found that all of those emotions were still simmering just below the surface. Still I fought to focus on the words and praise found within the songs and was so grateful for their message. The last song we sang was "What a Beautiful Name" by Hillsong.

Take a couple of minutes and listen to the whole song, if you aren't familiar with it. The message of the song is beautiful and such a wonderful reminder, but today I only saw one thing..... the phrase "My sin was great, Your love was greater; What could separate us now." Separate- a word that cut me to the heart and caused the tears to flow deeply and freely. And while the tears were tears of sadness at the separation I am enduring right now, they were also tears of joy. This separation from Drew leaves me with an almost tangible feeling of being ripped in half. It hurts and I carry that hurt with me every moment of each day. Yet still as much as Drew is my other half, a very real part of my very being now- Christ is more. The thought of being separated from Him is distressing, but the knowledge that nothing- absolutely NOTHING- can separate us now is an amazingly beautiful thing!

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” Deuteronomy 31:8

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

"Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:19-20

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:35-39

For one who believes in Jesus and acknowledges his authority and lordship, these promises offer hope, comfort and strength. They keep me singing in the midst of my tears and keep me joyful in the midst of sorrow and separation.

Heavenly Father- 
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. 
Thank you for concerning yourself with one such as me and never leaving me.
May I be more aware of your presence and may I seek to find you in each moment of every day.