Oops, I Did It Again

Maybe you loved the song or maybe you cringe as you read the title because of the song, but right now, it feels like a fitting description for me.

For the last week, our two sweet little girls have been on fire. Attitudes, bickering, selfishness, demanding, picking, and arguing are just the beginnings of what has been happening in our home. And while much of it has been directed at each other, one in particular has also directed it at Drew and I. Leading up to this morning, I realized just how much it was wearing on me and I prayed that the Lord would give me the control of emotions and wisdom to best handle each and every situation as it arose. Of course, this morning, the girls were in particularly good form. A morning which started with a great sense of peace and control slowly erroded under me as the girls wore down on my every nerve.

As I prepared their lunches (only a few hours after getting up), I was spent. I just wanted a break, a little time away from the two of them and all that was going on with them. Peace, quiet and time for me... a place to get away from the voices that can carry through the house. How much was I really asking for? So while I stood there with their lunch plates, I found myself listing off the things I wanted away from- the selfishness, the demands, the whining and the constant need to be on my toes to address each. And as I listed off these issues, a thought came to the forefront that silenced all my complaining- because really, that's what I was doing, wasn't it?

How many times have I spent my days whining, bickering, arguing and demanding things from God, the almighty, all-powerful Creator of this whole universe? And when I do (take this morning perhaps), has He ever called it quits or decided to just take a break from me?

No, the Lord is faithful, incredibly patient and loving with me.

As the title intimates, I know I've been in this position before. I have felt the way I felt this morning far more than I would ever wish to admit. I have also had the Lord remind me that He has stuck through it with me; He has been patient and loving even when I am not. Even when I question or forge ahead, fight His leading or ignore His nudges, He still works on me and can work through me. And on those days when I just don't feel able, He shows me that through Him, so much can be accomplished.

Yet still, I find myself back here.

It's the sad story of me but the amazing and incredible story of God and His love.



Heavenly Father,

Thank you. Thank you for not leaving me to wallow. Thank you for sticking with me as I complain and whine or argue over Your guidance. For if you were affected by me the way I am often affected by our girls, You would have thrown in the towel long before. Instead You have patiently reminded me time and again that there is a better way and that the work laid before me is not only God-given but can be God-led. May it be so, Lord. May it be so.