The Power to Choose

This Monday I had a situation presented to me which left me with, what felt like, a pretty big decision. I spent a day or two considering the different aspects of my choices and considering possible ramifications for each. I spoke with Drew and another good friend. I asked a few to pray for my decision and I did the same. For three days, I went round and round about this choice. Throughout the process, I felt stress and was often left distracted. Yet once I made my decision and shared it, what peace!

Interestingly though, I had peace despite coming to a conclusion that was not what I or those closest to me might have expected. Yet I had peace because I knew that if and when the day came when I questioned the choice, I would recover easier and more quickly because it had been my choice.

There's power in having the choice; there's responsibility with it as well.

But what about those times when it feels as though the choice has been taken away from us? When the doctor gives you news you never expected and couldn't have changed even if you had some foreknowledge? When a job ends or requires you to relocate? When a child is born with a disability or major illness? When your spouse changes- and not in a way you particularly care for?

Now consider another reality- what if fate really was completely in control and nothing you did or chose would really have any affect on the final outcomes? I know I've personally seen more than one or two shows/movies that have depicted just this idea- following two separate realities based on making a different choice only to have the outcome remain exactly the same. I guess that takes the stress and worry out of decision making. However it also takes away the power and from what I have seen, people like having the power to choose.

Got me wondering why and I was taken back to what I have recently begun to see as one of the greatest gifts to humanity- the gift of choice.

Imagine you are the all-powerful, supreme being who has created other living creatures. As the creator you desire to know your creation and to be known by them. You want to have a true relationship with them- not one based solely on fear and submission as their ruler or creator.

Now imagine you are creating the world they will live in and giving it the laws that will govern every aspect of that world and their lives.

Imagine that you are not only all-powerful but also all-knowing, so even at the creation of the first being you already knew everything about him and all his descendents, their strengths and weaknesses, their successes and failings. And because of this knowledge, you know that giving your creation the power of choice will mean allowing many, possibly even most, of them to defy, deny and discredit you.

In that scenario, would you want to give your creation the power of choice knowing full well that it means giving your creation the ability to not fulfill your greatest desire for them, a part of why they were created?

I can tell you this. This woman, with her severely limited comparison through motherhood, who is obviously far less benevolent would not. Why would I- all-powerful, all-knowing, supreme- why would I do that to myself when I get to call the shots?

And that's what makes it such an incredible gift. God gave us the power of choice- despite knowing the ultimate outcome- because of His great love and benevolence. You may not think about that when you are weighing the merits of your choices or celebrating a well made decision, but there is something in us that loves the fact that we can choose. And there's something in me that can't help but thank God every time I find myself going round and round about a decision. God didn't have to, and given many of the choices I've made, it would have been much easier if He hadn't- yet still He did. And He did so, knowing that one day it would require an even greater sacrifice on His part......His greatest gift.

Oops, I Did It Again

Maybe you loved the song or maybe you cringe as you read the title because of the song, but right now, it feels like a fitting description for me.

For the last week, our two sweet little girls have been on fire. Attitudes, bickering, selfishness, demanding, picking, and arguing are just the beginnings of what has been happening in our home. And while much of it has been directed at each other, one in particular has also directed it at Drew and I. Leading up to this morning, I realized just how much it was wearing on me and I prayed that the Lord would give me the control of emotions and wisdom to best handle each and every situation as it arose. Of course, this morning, the girls were in particularly good form. A morning which started with a great sense of peace and control slowly erroded under me as the girls wore down on my every nerve.

As I prepared their lunches (only a few hours after getting up), I was spent. I just wanted a break, a little time away from the two of them and all that was going on with them. Peace, quiet and time for me... a place to get away from the voices that can carry through the house. How much was I really asking for? So while I stood there with their lunch plates, I found myself listing off the things I wanted away from- the selfishness, the demands, the whining and the constant need to be on my toes to address each. And as I listed off these issues, a thought came to the forefront that silenced all my complaining- because really, that's what I was doing, wasn't it?

How many times have I spent my days whining, bickering, arguing and demanding things from God, the almighty, all-powerful Creator of this whole universe? And when I do (take this morning perhaps), has He ever called it quits or decided to just take a break from me?

No, the Lord is faithful, incredibly patient and loving with me.

As the title intimates, I know I've been in this position before. I have felt the way I felt this morning far more than I would ever wish to admit. I have also had the Lord remind me that He has stuck through it with me; He has been patient and loving even when I am not. Even when I question or forge ahead, fight His leading or ignore His nudges, He still works on me and can work through me. And on those days when I just don't feel able, He shows me that through Him, so much can be accomplished.

Yet still, I find myself back here.

It's the sad story of me but the amazing and incredible story of God and His love.



Heavenly Father,

Thank you. Thank you for not leaving me to wallow. Thank you for sticking with me as I complain and whine or argue over Your guidance. For if you were affected by me the way I am often affected by our girls, You would have thrown in the towel long before. Instead You have patiently reminded me time and again that there is a better way and that the work laid before me is not only God-given but can be God-led. May it be so, Lord. May it be so.

Girls, Please Don't Settle

This weekend is Valentine's Day and with it, romance movies are hitting the box office. This year in particular, one movie has been getting lots of attention- some are fawning over its release and others are speaking out against it. I don't really want to discuss the content of the movie or the books it is based upon, but as I have read reviews of the books and comments made by ladies on both sides of the aisle, I have realized that a great deal of women have come to idolize the lead male, Christian Grey, and view him as the epitome of a male. The more I have found out about this character, the more I felt like yelling from the rooftops, "Girls, please don't settle for this kind of man or this kind of love. There is so much better out there and each and every one of you deserve the real thing."

From the comments I've read, women admire the Christian Grey character because he is confident, knows what he wants, communicates and goes after the same, is "protective/concerned" and is "capable of change" through the unfailing love of the woman. He is also said to be quite handsome and wealthy, which certainly doesn't hurt his case. (Items in quotes are areas of great dispute, depending on how you interpret his actions and words.) Yet, from the excerpts which I have read, Christian Grey's qualities are completely self-serving.

Now for a real world example, and lucky for me, it's my husband. I regularly tell him, and  often tell others, that he is a "good man." Often I feel the phrase seems too simple and understated to truly express all that I mean, yet that is exactly what he is- a good man. I am blessed to have a husband who is self-assured and confident, aware of what he needs and wants, a great communicator, a provider and a protector, compassionate and concerned, and filled with great love. While initially the lists between the two seem rather similar, there is one enormous difference between my husband and Christian Grey. My husband does none of these things out of selfishness, and this one difference affects every other attribute I mentioned.

His love is matched by his respect.
His awareness of his needs and wants is matched by his desire to know and meet my own.
He communicates so that we can better understand each other.
He provides and protects me because he cherishes me and finds great value and worth in me.
His concern and love are not self-serving but are sacrificial.

This is the picture of a good man. This is a picture of a real love story.

As I write the next lines, I think specifically of our daughters, who will grow up in a world where Christian Grey has always been, but also for any young lady or woman who desires true love.

Girls, let me tell you now- please don't settle for this sad, empty picture of love that media is glorifying. You are worth far more and are more precious than any and all the jewels in the world. You were created in the image of the Almighty God. He knew you before any of us even knew you would be. And after giving you the freedom to choose, He pursues with with an endless love. He offers forgiveness and grace when you fail and provides comfort and peace when the days seems dark. Because of Him, you have a deep and abiding value and worth that no one in this world can take away. And because of that, whether you find a man to spend the rest of your earthly life with or not, you already have the opportunity to be a part of the greatest love story ever. Don't settle for the paltry affections of men such as Christian Grey. Don't believe the lies of Satan which tell you it is love. And should someday you meet a man and wish to marry him, I pray here and now that he will be a good man- not as the world would define a good man but as God has ordained a good man to be.



Lord,

I pray for our girls as they grow. We know the world will tell them many things about love, their value and worth and the type of man they should desire. We pray Lord that they would look to You for the truth and that in You and Your love, the answers would become evident.

And I thank you Lord for the good men in my life- my grandfathers, Dad and husband. Men who exemplify love, respect, honor, commitment and devotion and have lived out stories of true love in their own lives. 

Enjoy the Journey

A few weeks back, people were asked to call into a radio station to which we listen and share advice from their parents that had stuck with them and affected their life. I heard a few grown children share their memories and began to think of my own. There is one phrase that really comes to mind. It is something I heard from both my Mom and my Dad and it is something that they had to remind me over and over again- even into my adult years.

"Enjoy the journey,"

and always following right after was this Bible verse,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Proverbs 3:5-6

I heard this when I went off to college, when I stressed over grades or boys, when I graduated, when I worked two minimum wage jobs and still barely squeaked by, when Drew and I were engaged, when we married, when we announced we were pregnant, when I complained about the Army life, when friends seemed scarce, with each move we made and when news of deployment became a reality.

It sounds like a simple thing and there were times, when I was simply being told to "take a breath, relax and let go" of all the little details that were weighing me down. However over the years, it has really settled in and as I look at the words now, I know it holds so much more weight than simply, "breath, relax, release."

Enjoy- My parents never told me to go and be happy, and I'll be honest- I would be shocked if they had. More than that, I'm glad and ever so grateful that happiness was never their wish for me. No, my parents never mentioned happiness; instead they told me to "enjoy." There are many times in life when I am not pleased or happy about my circumstances- when I feel the burden, struggles and pain of this life pressing down upon me with the weight of world. Instead of encouraging me to seek out happiness, my parents took those times of unhappiness to remind me- both verbally and through memories- to enjoy. Lately I have thought of it as "living in joy," and for me, joy is not something that is dependent upon my emotions or my circumstances. Joy is dependent on Christ- His love, His grace, His faithfulness- and who I am in His eyes. No matter what I face, I can enjoy life because I am a child of God and He is my Heavenly Father; I am a failure on my own but I am a victor through Christ.

The Journey- We walk through this life with many roads and destinations to reach, but it is often in those mundane moments of everyday, the small choices, that some of our greatest acts and lasting impressions are made. The special events are sweet and such a treat, but my life is carried out each day- in our morning routine, the making of meals, the washing of dishes, the cleaning and errands, the silly songs and serious talks, the full days and the quiet evenings- and in each of those moments, I am given the chance to choose joy and share of myself. The tasks may seem trivial but the work and the walk can often hold the deepest joy and the most meaningful moments.

Proverbs 3:5-6- Of course, I can hardly consider the phrase "Enjoy the Journey" without thinking of Proverbs 3:5-6 and for me, that is only fitting. For how can I enjoy this often crazy, unpredictable, chaotic road I am on, if not for the trust I have in the One who I have asked to guide my feet? My own feet, when led by my own understanding, have often taken me into tough, painful, and even shameful situations, but it is God who has led me through and out of them to a place of peace and rest.  

So as I look ahead, preparing for tomorrow and on to the next phase in my life and my family's, I will live in joy while on this journey, knowing I can trust Him who is faithful to guide me in and through each celebration and sorrow, each sprint and stumble and every other step along the way.

One Month Later

One month ago- almost to the hour (as I write this), Drew placed his feet on Colorado soil once again.

Overall the month has been amazingly smooth. I have told more than one person (and heard from Drew that he feels likewise) that it feels as though we are picking up right where things were left in May. The months between and the struggles we faced are quickly fading as we relish being together again. The last month has not been perfect, but under the circumstances I couldn't have asked for anything more. Though there have been a few misunderstandings and banged elbows as we adjust to sharing our time and space, they haven't been anything worse than what any married couple might experience at any given time.

The girls have delighted in all the time with Daddy, as he has been on leave for most of the last month. Naomi has been thrilled that Daddy could take her to and pick her up from school, that she could show him her classroom and introduce him to her teachers and that he was able to go to her Christmas class party. For Noelle, things have been simpler (as is often the case when you are only two). She and Daddy have enjoyed much time playing pretend, reading books and building with blocks. Of course both girls also have had to adjust because Drew is still Daddy and not just their buddy, but we have made it through that initial shock and struggle and things are leveling out for them there as well.

There have been so many moments that just cause me to pause and give thanks to God. Moments like this:

Moments that cause me to stop and just look at him, watch him, my heart swelling with happiness and love. Even as I write this, I can't help but pause to consider him again and as I do, tears of joy and gratitude come to my eyes. God has granted us more time together- for which I am forever grateful. He has granted us a wonderful, solid marriage and a beautiful family life. He has given us strength for today, courage for tomorrow and hope for all eternity.

What a wonderful month it has been!

Beautiful Footprints

One year ago tomorrow, a dear and precious woman left this world for her eternal home. I was blessed to have known her, to have sat at her feet watching and learning, and I was honored to call her Grandma.

My Grandma and Grandpa Griner- celebrating 60 years of marriage

Last year I spent weeks trying to find the right words to express all that I felt about Grandma and her passing. No matter how many times I sat down, I never felt the words fully expressed what I was thinking and nothing definite came of it.

Yet every time I sat down and tried to put pen to paper, there was one memory that always came back to me. I would have been younger- probably in my pre-teen years. I remember sitting beside her during a worship service at a NACC convention. During the service, I remember listening to her while she sang two songs: “Give Thanks,” and “Find Us Faithful.” (I'll be honest, this may be two separate memories that have merged into one event, but either way, I remember sitting next to Grandma during both of these songs.)

For me, both of these songs will be forever tied to Grandma- both because of the memory and because of how well she exemplified their messages.

Give Thanks

“Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given Jesus Christ, His Son
And now let the weak say, "I am strong"
Let the poor say, "I am rich
Because of what the Lord has done for us.”

Grandma’s gratitude and devotion to God as well as her care for those who were weak or poor were undeniable.

Find Us Faithful

“We're pilgrims on the journey
Of the narrow road
And those who've gone before us line the way
Cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary
Their lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace

Surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses
Let us run the race not only for the prize
But as those who've gone before us
Let us leave to those behind us
The heritage of faithfulness passed on through godly lives

After all our hopes and dreams have come and gone
And our children sift through all we've left behind
May the clues that they discover and the memories they uncover
Become the light that leads them to the road we each must find

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful
May the fire of our devotion light their way
May the footprints that we leave
Lead them to believe
And the lives we live inspire them to obey

Oh may all who come behind us find us faithful”

Without a doubt, Grandma has left behind some beautiful footprints- footprints that tell of her faithfulness, her devotion and service to God and the undeniable love she had for all.

Sitting next to Grandma, listening as she sang praises to her Lord and Savior- I can't think of a better memory for Grandma, and I look forward to the day when we will once again stand together, worshiping our Lord and Savior and the God of all that has been created.

This I Know

Planning ahead typically eases my stress,

But there are times, you need to take it one moment at a time.

Going home!

Feeling alone is a choice I make; 

God has given me His body for support and encouragement, guidance and love.

First morning home

Independence is lauded as a sign of strength; 

Relying on God is the only true source of strength.

Helping Naomi with her reading homework

Happiness isn't always possible; 

Contentment and joy are always a choice.

Drawing a picture with Noelle

The world may only see two in my marriage, but it was always made for three- 

Drew, myself and God above.

My love and I

Life is hard; God is my refuge.

Life can hurt; God is my joy.

Life has its share of sorrows and fears; God is my peace.

Life also has it share of joys; God be praised!

Our first photo as a family of four in seven months!